It's been a while since I wrote an update to my life a s it is. My brain power has much improved so hopefully this will ake better sence. I got to the paecle that I had to stop. I wanted to share about what this point in my life is like and I overed it as best I could until...until I ran out of what I was comfortable sharing. Honestly, there are just some tginhfs that only God gets to hear. Not even Mitch. Just God. Sorry folks, but more than likely, that's normal and narural for people like me. The feelings are too deep. The thoughts too hard to verbalize. Too private to put out there for all to see. I don't want my children and grandchildren to rread sme things.
I'm mortal.What I have written and put out there are immortal in a way...they'll live on. So I want to leave them what I'm good at leaving them with.
Right now I'm doing better thatt I ever thought I'd be. I can wheel to the kitchen sink and wash dishes from my chair. I can do the laundry. When I remember to do them! But I've written a list to help me! I can get to the bathroom sink and brush mt teeth. I've taen up painting. Mitch has been taking me to church every Sunday now for a few months and I've renewed my mmembership at Conway, NC UMC my home church where I was born, baptized and raised. I was active there until I went into the ministry. From that time until I came back I my membership was held by Conference. I belonged nowhere. And didn't realize it until I was asked to preach Homecoming in August. All that time it never crossed my mind that I belonged nowhere.
But I'm now a member again and beginning this Sunday as a I write, I'll be teachiing the Jr High Sunday School class and am looking so forward to it! that was my age group when I taught at Conway!
And I can pull up on the pews, stand, and walk a few steps while hanging on. I can do that at the sink and at the mantle in the living room. And I can get behind the sofa and pull up and stand and take some steps. So, I'm improving.
But my head hurts constantly and my legs and feet still don't like me. I don't cook at all and that all for the good even thoiugh I was a geart cook and loved it. My braid don't neet to do that.
And I can tell I'm getting tired of writing rithg now because I see my spelling is getting worse. So I'll stop for neow,.
Hang in ther em. Do what you cana s you can and just do your best in all things at all times. Soemme days your best might not look like much to people but God will smile so to heck with wat poroeple think. Don't let them get to you. You are precisosu and you are loved and you are valialble.
Blessinsg1
charis
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
Thinking
I know. She's thinking! Watch out for falloing debris!
We know abot living our dash...how we live. We also think about the legacy we will leave.
Like it or not, none of us will stay here forever. We just won't. We all have lives; we do good things, great things, mistakes, maybe even do something criminal. We'tre human. And being human, we will, one day be no more. What will people say about us? How will we be rememebred?
Will my husband speak of me fondly or as a puer pain? (insert annoying smiley face here...I'm doted on and taken care on by the best husband EVER) What stories will he tell our grandchilren, and other people, abiut me?What will my legacy be?
I know how my children will rememberr me. I'm pretty sure they'll rememenr how such I loved them and tries to raise them right. They will ALSO rememebr myy "devil's voice". Whhen I got angry, really angry, especially when it was lare and it was waaaaaaay past bedtime, I hollered using what THEY called with my devil's voice. They knew I was ready to jerk a knot in them. They'll reeme er those times with a laugh. Weill my kides rememebr to use their own devil's voice when their kids are in trouble? Will my kids rememeber how I did with them and do those things with THEIR kiids? What rules and ways of MINE will MY kids make for their own kides that mirror my rules and ways? What will they use and what will they change or dismiss? How will I be remembered with them? What will be my legacy?
I pastored several churches during my time in the ministry. How will the good folks in my congregations rememeber me? Did I do any good that will carry on?
How will my family and friends who have known me all my life rememebr me? Uh oh. What stories will they share? Will my children laugh or hang their heads? Will I have lived a life that emabarrassed them or will they be fairly proud of me?
The day will come when my grandchildren won't rememeber me...sone thaven't even been born yet...what will they be told about me? How will I be rembebere? What is my legagcy?
How will the melanoma community rememebr me> New melahomies join our raks everyday. So maye don't know me...and that's the way it is for all of us. For those who know me, have I made an impact in the world of melaland>
We will ALL leave a legacy. How will YOU actually be rememebr by the ones wno matter? What changes do you need to make NOW wh9ile you can.
As I look back at this post, I see that I wrote a LOT of typos! Sorry. Not a great bran power day I recon. But I hope I made an impact with it and got people thinking.
This piont on my life is right around the corner. I look back on my life and I'm pretty satisfied. Not perfect, but blessed. My husband, children, grandchildren, Mama, and brother still speak to me (smile), I haven't lived too badly.
May peple rememebr the wheat and ignore the chaff. I'm only human.
Just rememebr, while you're living your dash, what will be rememevbered one day when you're no longer here? If you don't like it...change it.
I care. So does God.
charis
We know abot living our dash...how we live. We also think about the legacy we will leave.
Like it or not, none of us will stay here forever. We just won't. We all have lives; we do good things, great things, mistakes, maybe even do something criminal. We'tre human. And being human, we will, one day be no more. What will people say about us? How will we be rememebred?
Will my husband speak of me fondly or as a puer pain? (insert annoying smiley face here...I'm doted on and taken care on by the best husband EVER) What stories will he tell our grandchilren, and other people, abiut me?What will my legacy be?
I know how my children will rememberr me. I'm pretty sure they'll rememenr how such I loved them and tries to raise them right. They will ALSO rememebr myy "devil's voice". Whhen I got angry, really angry, especially when it was lare and it was waaaaaaay past bedtime, I hollered using what THEY called with my devil's voice. They knew I was ready to jerk a knot in them. They'll reeme er those times with a laugh. Weill my kides rememebr to use their own devil's voice when their kids are in trouble? Will my kids rememeber how I did with them and do those things with THEIR kiids? What rules and ways of MINE will MY kids make for their own kides that mirror my rules and ways? What will they use and what will they change or dismiss? How will I be remembered with them? What will be my legacy?
I pastored several churches during my time in the ministry. How will the good folks in my congregations rememeber me? Did I do any good that will carry on?
How will my family and friends who have known me all my life rememebr me? Uh oh. What stories will they share? Will my children laugh or hang their heads? Will I have lived a life that emabarrassed them or will they be fairly proud of me?
The day will come when my grandchildren won't rememeber me...sone thaven't even been born yet...what will they be told about me? How will I be rembebere? What is my legagcy?
How will the melanoma community rememebr me> New melahomies join our raks everyday. So maye don't know me...and that's the way it is for all of us. For those who know me, have I made an impact in the world of melaland>
We will ALL leave a legacy. How will YOU actually be rememebr by the ones wno matter? What changes do you need to make NOW wh9ile you can.
As I look back at this post, I see that I wrote a LOT of typos! Sorry. Not a great bran power day I recon. But I hope I made an impact with it and got people thinking.
This piont on my life is right around the corner. I look back on my life and I'm pretty satisfied. Not perfect, but blessed. My husband, children, grandchildren, Mama, and brother still speak to me (smile), I haven't lived too badly.
May peple rememebr the wheat and ignore the chaff. I'm only human.
Just rememebr, while you're living your dash, what will be rememevbered one day when you're no longer here? If you don't like it...change it.
I care. So does God.
charis
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Standing Up For Melanoma Awareness/Education Month
OK. In my last post I got a little punchy. Yes, me. I was on a topic that means a lot to me and I got a tad carried away with myself. I think I'm entitled. See, THIS time, THIS year, THIS May'y Melanoma Awareness/Education Month means so much more to me.
Talking 'bout a new attitiede! A new perspective that's, well, deeper, in your face and knows more that I did last May.
I began lodging at Hotel Melanoma Thuursday July 10, 2008 when I was told melanoma was in my mole. In August 2008 I was dianosed stage 3b. I realized then that I'm mortal. Up until then, I knew I'd die one day. EVERYBODY will die. We're ALL terminal...oh how I mortally despise that word...terminal. But I expected I'd be old. I figutred I'd die quickly. All that was theory, I guess. I had my thoughts and suppositions. I didn't have a clue about reality.
This time last year, things weren't good with me, but I had not been told there was nothinng lefft for me. I still had hope I could outwit melanoma in 4 places in my brain, mel in my lung, in my lumbar sacram (bottom of spine). I spread awareness of melanoma all this time, though I don't remember what I spread. Thankks to Facebook on the On This Day Paage I can rememeberr. All the years of my diagnosis, I was very active in the online melanoma community. I had connections, influnce and I used it all to help peiople. But I really didn't grasp the gravity of melanoma awareness and education until July 13, 2016 when the drs at Duke told me there was nothing left for me and I was sent home to die. That gave me a fresh way of looking at this.
We're in MAEM now...7 days in as I post and I'm not supposed to be here. But I am. So let me tell you how it's like to know you really ARE mortal and you REALLY will die...and it's not supposed to be like this.
I'm 57 years old. I may not see 58. I'm supposed to be going out with Mitch and us living our lives. Being man and wife, doing things together and tell about our day when we go in separate directions during the day as we pursue our calls. Him being a pharmacist and helping at the store and me beling a Methodist pastor. That's how it was supposed to be. Instead, he's at home with me all day every day. He does all the cooking and cleaning and shopping. He does everything. It wasn't supposed to be ths way. I'm either on the sofa or in bed all day every day. I can't walk. He has to help me get in the wheelchair and get out of it. He has to help me gey in and off the furnituire. It wasn't supposed to be this was. But it is. THIS is what melanoma awarenss looks like. It doesn't give a damn that we had a life and THIS ISN'T it!
I'm supposed to be part of my two churches. An active Methodist pastor, making a differnce, in people's lives. Helpong in the community. NOW I wacth church on Sunday morning on TV. I don't have a life to be part of. People have their lives. When I was first supposed to die, people were here. Now it's only some family and a few friends. I know they care, but they have stuff to do. They have lives to live and places to go and meals to cook and they don't realize Mitch gets lonely and needs to see faces other than mine. THIS is what melanoma has done. THIS is melanoma awareness and education is.
I'm sypposed to be a good Wife, Mom, Granny, Daughter, and Mother-in-Law. NOW, I'm a cause of worry and a burden. THIS IN NOT how my life was supposed to be. NOT at 57. NOT NOW.
But. This is how it is. Melanoma Awareness/Education is more than stats and info. It's real life. Life and death. wanting to live and doing your damned best to do that. No matter what. It's about God in the midst. I want YOU to live and choose life. I want YOU to take what I say to heart and make any necessary chanjges to your kife that you need to so YOU don't share this leg of my journey with me with your OWN advanced stage 4, nothing left to to do case.
I want YOU to live your calling, be there for your family, get moving and enjoy life, watch your children grow up and have their own kids.
I want so much for you. It's too late for me. It's not too late for you, I hope.
Do more than be aware. Do more than be educated.
Absorb my words into your life and look at your own life. Love it. Don't take it for granted. This isn't how it was supposed to be for me.
Prayerfully, it's not how it will be for YOU. It's just not how it's supposed to be.
We all think this won't happen "to me." The trouble with that thinking is we're all "other people."
I'm standing with you spiritually because I can't stand physically with you. But, together, we stand.
Against melanoma. Melahomies together forever. God with us and bless us all, everyone.
charis
Talking 'bout a new attitiede! A new perspective that's, well, deeper, in your face and knows more that I did last May.
I began lodging at Hotel Melanoma Thuursday July 10, 2008 when I was told melanoma was in my mole. In August 2008 I was dianosed stage 3b. I realized then that I'm mortal. Up until then, I knew I'd die one day. EVERYBODY will die. We're ALL terminal...oh how I mortally despise that word...terminal. But I expected I'd be old. I figutred I'd die quickly. All that was theory, I guess. I had my thoughts and suppositions. I didn't have a clue about reality.
This time last year, things weren't good with me, but I had not been told there was nothinng lefft for me. I still had hope I could outwit melanoma in 4 places in my brain, mel in my lung, in my lumbar sacram (bottom of spine). I spread awareness of melanoma all this time, though I don't remember what I spread. Thankks to Facebook on the On This Day Paage I can rememeberr. All the years of my diagnosis, I was very active in the online melanoma community. I had connections, influnce and I used it all to help peiople. But I really didn't grasp the gravity of melanoma awareness and education until July 13, 2016 when the drs at Duke told me there was nothing left for me and I was sent home to die. That gave me a fresh way of looking at this.
We're in MAEM now...7 days in as I post and I'm not supposed to be here. But I am. So let me tell you how it's like to know you really ARE mortal and you REALLY will die...and it's not supposed to be like this.
I'm 57 years old. I may not see 58. I'm supposed to be going out with Mitch and us living our lives. Being man and wife, doing things together and tell about our day when we go in separate directions during the day as we pursue our calls. Him being a pharmacist and helping at the store and me beling a Methodist pastor. That's how it was supposed to be. Instead, he's at home with me all day every day. He does all the cooking and cleaning and shopping. He does everything. It wasn't supposed to be ths way. I'm either on the sofa or in bed all day every day. I can't walk. He has to help me get in the wheelchair and get out of it. He has to help me gey in and off the furnituire. It wasn't supposed to be this was. But it is. THIS is what melanoma awarenss looks like. It doesn't give a damn that we had a life and THIS ISN'T it!
I'm supposed to be part of my two churches. An active Methodist pastor, making a differnce, in people's lives. Helpong in the community. NOW I wacth church on Sunday morning on TV. I don't have a life to be part of. People have their lives. When I was first supposed to die, people were here. Now it's only some family and a few friends. I know they care, but they have stuff to do. They have lives to live and places to go and meals to cook and they don't realize Mitch gets lonely and needs to see faces other than mine. THIS is what melanoma has done. THIS is melanoma awareness and education is.
I'm sypposed to be a good Wife, Mom, Granny, Daughter, and Mother-in-Law. NOW, I'm a cause of worry and a burden. THIS IN NOT how my life was supposed to be. NOT at 57. NOT NOW.
But. This is how it is. Melanoma Awareness/Education is more than stats and info. It's real life. Life and death. wanting to live and doing your damned best to do that. No matter what. It's about God in the midst. I want YOU to live and choose life. I want YOU to take what I say to heart and make any necessary chanjges to your kife that you need to so YOU don't share this leg of my journey with me with your OWN advanced stage 4, nothing left to to do case.
I want YOU to live your calling, be there for your family, get moving and enjoy life, watch your children grow up and have their own kids.
I want so much for you. It's too late for me. It's not too late for you, I hope.
Do more than be aware. Do more than be educated.
Absorb my words into your life and look at your own life. Love it. Don't take it for granted. This isn't how it was supposed to be for me.
Prayerfully, it's not how it will be for YOU. It's just not how it's supposed to be.
We all think this won't happen "to me." The trouble with that thinking is we're all "other people."
I'm standing with you spiritually because I can't stand physically with you. But, together, we stand.
Against melanoma. Melahomies together forever. God with us and bless us all, everyone.
charis
Friday, May 5, 2017
In Melanoma Awareness/Education Month
Celebrating the 5th day of Melanoma Awareness/Education Month...a day, last year that I didn't think I'd be seeing quite frankly but I'm glad I am. If I could be pacing on my soapbox right now, I'b be on a roll! I got stuff to say. Most people are going to ignore this post when they see it pop up on the Facebook and see the title of the post. That's OK. Because maybe a few willl feel guilty and read it and hear me.
First: would it kill my familt and frieens that are NOT melahomies, read my posts and acknowledge melanoma! Seriously? Seriously! I've invited folks to Donna Helms Melanoma Event and posted the page on my page and not a one have joined. All you have to is is "join." It cots you nothing but a click. That's it. I have a May Is Melanoma Awareness Month page. WE have melanoma! WE know all about it! We share so, maybe, you'll pay attention to us, learn about this disease, and MAYBR TOU won't get it yourself! We don't want you singing with our choir. We know the songs. We'd just as soon you sing along with Chris Tomlin or Meatloaf or Bruce Springsteen...or you favorite. We do what we do so MAYBE you won't join us in Melaland. None of us do what we do for US or for the fun of it. We post, share, and nag to HELP you and prayerfully spare YOU. YOU!
And, how about wearing BLACK? THAT's our color. Mela, melas, melan...Greek for BLACK, oma is Greek meaning tumor. People like black. It's a classy, fashionable color that goes with everything. Year round. A little support means a lot. There are many colors and diseases out there that have their own colors, days, or months. If you have, or know someone who does, show them some support and when you see their posts, show a little support...know persoannly and not these posts that circulate and are passed around necause someone copy/pastes and tells you to share. Make your posts personal. We all deal with something. If you are connected to me, it won't kill you to like some of my melanoma stuff. Promise. And truly, if you like or even share some of my melanoma stuff, you kight just save a life...maybe your OWN or someone you love,
This will probably be a my last MAEM. I wasn't suppsed to still be here for this one. Yet. Here I am. Maybe to light your fire a little. maybe to provoke my ire. Maybe to save your life and spare you what I'm going through.
See, it's probably NOT going to be melanoma that I actually will die from. I took some mighty potent meds and lived throough, barely, and have been enduring some life threatening side effects. It's a couple of those side effects that shoulld have killed me my now. All things considered, I'm doing good for where I am, but I know that can...will...change...at any time.
If it wasn't for the meds, I wouln'd be in this situation.
And I wouldn't need the meds if I didn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma.
And I wouldn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma if I had just listened to my parents and later to Mitch and had that mole removed decades ago and if I hadn't got some sunburns on that mole.
Thiis is the house that Jack built.
We just want to help YOU build YOUR house with melanoma NOT in the floorboards.
That's why I'm grateful to share another May, the month of Melanoma Awarenness/Education with you. It probabyl will be my last.
I want to make it count.
Will YOU help me?
Please?
Blessings.
charis
First: would it kill my familt and frieens that are NOT melahomies, read my posts and acknowledge melanoma! Seriously? Seriously! I've invited folks to Donna Helms Melanoma Event and posted the page on my page and not a one have joined. All you have to is is "join." It cots you nothing but a click. That's it. I have a May Is Melanoma Awareness Month page. WE have melanoma! WE know all about it! We share so, maybe, you'll pay attention to us, learn about this disease, and MAYBR TOU won't get it yourself! We don't want you singing with our choir. We know the songs. We'd just as soon you sing along with Chris Tomlin or Meatloaf or Bruce Springsteen...or you favorite. We do what we do so MAYBE you won't join us in Melaland. None of us do what we do for US or for the fun of it. We post, share, and nag to HELP you and prayerfully spare YOU. YOU!
And, how about wearing BLACK? THAT's our color. Mela, melas, melan...Greek for BLACK, oma is Greek meaning tumor. People like black. It's a classy, fashionable color that goes with everything. Year round. A little support means a lot. There are many colors and diseases out there that have their own colors, days, or months. If you have, or know someone who does, show them some support and when you see their posts, show a little support...know persoannly and not these posts that circulate and are passed around necause someone copy/pastes and tells you to share. Make your posts personal. We all deal with something. If you are connected to me, it won't kill you to like some of my melanoma stuff. Promise. And truly, if you like or even share some of my melanoma stuff, you kight just save a life...maybe your OWN or someone you love,
This will probably be a my last MAEM. I wasn't suppsed to still be here for this one. Yet. Here I am. Maybe to light your fire a little. maybe to provoke my ire. Maybe to save your life and spare you what I'm going through.
See, it's probably NOT going to be melanoma that I actually will die from. I took some mighty potent meds and lived throough, barely, and have been enduring some life threatening side effects. It's a couple of those side effects that shoulld have killed me my now. All things considered, I'm doing good for where I am, but I know that can...will...change...at any time.
If it wasn't for the meds, I wouln'd be in this situation.
And I wouldn't need the meds if I didn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma.
And I wouldn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma if I had just listened to my parents and later to Mitch and had that mole removed decades ago and if I hadn't got some sunburns on that mole.
Thiis is the house that Jack built.
We just want to help YOU build YOUR house with melanoma NOT in the floorboards.
That's why I'm grateful to share another May, the month of Melanoma Awarenness/Education with you. It probabyl will be my last.
I want to make it count.
Will YOU help me?
Please?
Blessings.
charis
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Standing...On The Promises
Today, as I write, is Easter Sunday! I was blessed by the televised service at Hayes Barton Baptist Church in Raleigh. It was BEAUTIFUL! THEN, we...yes...WE, Mitch and I shared Easter lunch with Mama, at her house, along with Jessica, John Robert (our daughter and son-in-law), and our grandchildren Micaylah and Damon.
YES!!! What more Easterish way to celebrate this holy day celebrating Christ's rising from the dead than the day I "up from my house, I arose" (ala "Up From the Grave He Arose and what Jessica said) and went visiting family?! This was my FIRST time leaving my house since the Christmas Eve service. I was supposed to be dead by now, not being wheeled to Mama's. I ate good (for me), I enjoyed myself and being with my family. Only James was missing, but he's in Georgia and will come after this semester ends. It's like God put legs to the aforementioned hymn! I'm living the power of God to raise someone up and show folks what God can do when man can't. I'm good with that!
I'm standing on the promises of God! He doesn't promise that I'll literally stand, I can't do that by myself, but let me tell you, I'm not just standing...I'm running spiritually! Today's a great, blessed day and I feel like I'm living on pwn Easter. Can't beat that for a way of celebrating!
And I'm finally learning to get myself around in the wheelchair once Mitch gets me in it. I can't get myself in and out of the chair by self...he has to help me with that. It hurts his back so I only do it in the morning and when it's bedtime. I could probably done that before now, but I didn't thiink about ot. I had to look at how to do it and figure it out for myself. I taught myself how to wheel myself around. Douesn't sound like much, I know, but that's how my brain works. I had to figure out how to do this. Anf it took a while to do that.
Today has been a true day of living out the Resurrection in my own little way. On Easter. The day the world changed and Satan couldn't stop it! The day God said, "I'M God and you aren't and no other 'god' is either. Me. t\The Great I AM."
And in the wee hours of the morning, God revealed His calming-in-the-storm power to the friend of mine who walks MelaRoad with me on Facebook and her journey, right now, is treacherous. Roadblocks are being constantly being thrown in her way and up until the wee hours of this Easter morning, she was not a person of faith. But, after talking with a friend who followed God's lead, she found faith and experienced God washing His calmness over her. A calmness that she knew was Lord-given! Heavily, and I do mean heavily, burdened with melanoma...she found Jesus and He was right there with her in Melaland...had been there all along and she's standing on the Rock now.
I tell ya, folks, today is Easter and God's at work and He's giving people a new life and resureccting them from the dead! And it's exciting!!!
Whether we stand from our chair or in our bed or onour own two feet, we stand. We fall seven times, yes, but we STAND eight. Nobody will actually see me standing, on my own, now. I do try, but I jusy can't do it. But I tell you what...
I stand. In my mind. In my spirit. I stand on the Rock. I stand on the promises of God. I do not sit, I stand and I will continue to stand. I will not sit. I will fall, and I have fallen...I am fallen. But God is faithful to stand me up, dirt and all, and pick me up.
I always stand eight. Never down for the count.
And when my time comes and people see down for the final time, may they remember looks can be decieving for I will not be falling...I will be standing and I will be running to the Rock through His Gates of Praise and I'll never fall again...I'll still be standing.
This time, I'll stand on my own, without a chair and the only Power supporting me will be God. I'll have Easter everyday and will experience the Easter I can only read about right now. And I'll rememebr today. For a mortal human being living with melanoma, I'm living the Easter life right now.
Today I STAND eight.
May you stand eight, also and be blessed.
charis
YES!!! What more Easterish way to celebrate this holy day celebrating Christ's rising from the dead than the day I "up from my house, I arose" (ala "Up From the Grave He Arose and what Jessica said) and went visiting family?! This was my FIRST time leaving my house since the Christmas Eve service. I was supposed to be dead by now, not being wheeled to Mama's. I ate good (for me), I enjoyed myself and being with my family. Only James was missing, but he's in Georgia and will come after this semester ends. It's like God put legs to the aforementioned hymn! I'm living the power of God to raise someone up and show folks what God can do when man can't. I'm good with that!
I'm standing on the promises of God! He doesn't promise that I'll literally stand, I can't do that by myself, but let me tell you, I'm not just standing...I'm running spiritually! Today's a great, blessed day and I feel like I'm living on pwn Easter. Can't beat that for a way of celebrating!
And I'm finally learning to get myself around in the wheelchair once Mitch gets me in it. I can't get myself in and out of the chair by self...he has to help me with that. It hurts his back so I only do it in the morning and when it's bedtime. I could probably done that before now, but I didn't thiink about ot. I had to look at how to do it and figure it out for myself. I taught myself how to wheel myself around. Douesn't sound like much, I know, but that's how my brain works. I had to figure out how to do this. Anf it took a while to do that.
Today has been a true day of living out the Resurrection in my own little way. On Easter. The day the world changed and Satan couldn't stop it! The day God said, "I'M God and you aren't and no other 'god' is either. Me. t\The Great I AM."
And in the wee hours of the morning, God revealed His calming-in-the-storm power to the friend of mine who walks MelaRoad with me on Facebook and her journey, right now, is treacherous. Roadblocks are being constantly being thrown in her way and up until the wee hours of this Easter morning, she was not a person of faith. But, after talking with a friend who followed God's lead, she found faith and experienced God washing His calmness over her. A calmness that she knew was Lord-given! Heavily, and I do mean heavily, burdened with melanoma...she found Jesus and He was right there with her in Melaland...had been there all along and she's standing on the Rock now.
I tell ya, folks, today is Easter and God's at work and He's giving people a new life and resureccting them from the dead! And it's exciting!!!
Whether we stand from our chair or in our bed or onour own two feet, we stand. We fall seven times, yes, but we STAND eight. Nobody will actually see me standing, on my own, now. I do try, but I jusy can't do it. But I tell you what...
I stand. In my mind. In my spirit. I stand on the Rock. I stand on the promises of God. I do not sit, I stand and I will continue to stand. I will not sit. I will fall, and I have fallen...I am fallen. But God is faithful to stand me up, dirt and all, and pick me up.
I always stand eight. Never down for the count.
And when my time comes and people see down for the final time, may they remember looks can be decieving for I will not be falling...I will be standing and I will be running to the Rock through His Gates of Praise and I'll never fall again...I'll still be standing.
This time, I'll stand on my own, without a chair and the only Power supporting me will be God. I'll have Easter everyday and will experience the Easter I can only read about right now. And I'll rememebr today. For a mortal human being living with melanoma, I'm living the Easter life right now.
Today I STAND eight.
May you stand eight, also and be blessed.
charis
Monday, April 10, 2017
With My OWN Dear 16 Year Old Me
I'm not in the best of moods today so this is the perfect day for me to write this post. Melanoma Awareness Month (May) is fast approaching but I feel the need to not wait until then. I'm writing it now while I have a lot of "have mercy!" in me.
The David Cornfield Melanoma Fund in Canada made the ULTIMATE melanoma awareness video several years ago and it's still shared, used, uplifted to this day. Prepare to see it often in May. It has been seen, so far, over TEN MILLION times in its six years existence! And it is Dear 16 Year Old Me. In case you ignored my first link to it in this post, here it is again. Besure to watch it before moving on to something else.
Here's my own letter to my 16 year old me. Keep in mind, I was a pretty good kid, a Daddy's girl, and Mama and I at this time had the stereotypical Mother-Daughter relationship. I was the ultimate rebel when it came to her. If Daddy had been the first one to tell me to have that mole removed, well despite hating procedures, I probably would have had it removed to make him happy and to shut him up about it. But. NO! It was Mama who nagged the pure-tee-crap out of me. So. No. I hung onto that dang thing just to make her miserable. Now...
Dear sixteen year old me, for being such a decent kid, you sure were stupid and rebellious! You went to church every Sunday, active in the MYF, and you took that blasted mole everywhere you went just to make Mama mad and to hear her beg you to get it removed so it wouldn't give me trouble one day! Me, every time she mentioned that mole, you told her...every time and there were a LOT of times, to "Leave me alone! It's just a mole for crying out loud! It's not like it's going to kill me or anything!"
Yes, dear defiant sixteen year old me...you did say that. Repeatedly. And guess what? You should've listened to Mama! The old gal actually knew what she was talking about. Garden Peas!!! (Mama's equivalent of cussing). Why couldn't you have had that mole removed and shut her up? It's not like she didn't have plenty of other stuff to nag you about mercilessly! Oh no. Not you, me. YOU had to keep at it. Not only did you keep that mole, you enjoyed laying out in the sun. In the backyard. At the pool. At the yearly trip to the beach. You'd fall asleep out there. Sunblock didn't exsist, but suntan lotion did. And it all smelled like coconut. Remember that, me? You hated it and wouldn;t wear it. If you were in the backyard or at the pool you used Johnson's Baby Oil. If it was at the beach, you didn't use it. Went just bakable skin.
Remember those burns? I remeber at least 3 really good ones. There may have been more. I mean, I did fall asleep out there. But man did I look good! For me. Never was a bathing beauty, but I was passable. And a good tan made us all look good. The tanner the better the bragging rights. Rememebr, me? You were soooooooooo, say again, vainly stupid!
And dammit, if Mama wasn't right! That damn mole that you hung on and got sunburned with, and, did I mention that little talked about the time famiky history of melanoma...well, guess what Smarty Pants?
It's killing me. Literally.
See Dear 16 Year Old Me, you and me, Kid, we couldn't see the furute and we didn;nt understand about melanoma and there just wasn't the info about it that we have now. We didn't know that stupid mole could really kill me. And it is.
See Me, years have passed since we were 16 and have been bitten and I have my own melanoma dignosis. I started at stage 3b in July 2008 and jumped to advanced stage 4 in Sepremebr 2015. Brain (4 tumrs, lung, spine...bone). I was told in July 2016 that Duke had nothing left to offer me and they gave me a month. Well Me. I'm still here and can write this. I'm living on borrowed time and I kow it and I', only 57.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, 57 may sound "old" to you right now. But trust me. I'ts not old. At all. Tell other 16 year olds, you;ve got a lot of life left to live and you REALLY do want to see 57 and way beyond.
Live the coming years smartly. There are tanning beds now. STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM THEM and tell your friends that. They are killers. When you're outside and in the sun, wear sunBLOCK at least 30 or higher and apply liberally and every 2 hours. And be fashionable and make hats fashuonable and wear a hat, prefreabaly with a wide brim. If you CAN stay out of the direct sun in the early afternoon, do. Be sun smart and safe. That tan really is not worth your life.
I do NOT want my srory to be your story. Heed my warnings and the warnings of others. For the record, I stopped laying out when I was around 18-19. I was starting to hear more about Grandaddayd's melanoma and basal cell skin cancers (he was a sawmill man) and I knew I didn't want any parrt of any kind of cancer. I stopped, but the damage was done. It just was. That's how it goes. Do the damage today and pay for it later. In my case, decades later.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. You're a Granny now. You've two grown children. Tell them about me. Tell them the whole story and tell them how I wish I could have lived those years differently.
Be that one final blessing for others by sharing our story NOW and prevent others from having a similar story to share later. We always think "this" happens to "other people." WE are ALL other people to everybody on the planet except for ourselves. YOU ARE OTHRE PEOPLE!
So long, Sixteen Year Old Me!
charis
The David Cornfield Melanoma Fund in Canada made the ULTIMATE melanoma awareness video several years ago and it's still shared, used, uplifted to this day. Prepare to see it often in May. It has been seen, so far, over TEN MILLION times in its six years existence! And it is Dear 16 Year Old Me. In case you ignored my first link to it in this post, here it is again. Besure to watch it before moving on to something else.
Here's my own letter to my 16 year old me. Keep in mind, I was a pretty good kid, a Daddy's girl, and Mama and I at this time had the stereotypical Mother-Daughter relationship. I was the ultimate rebel when it came to her. If Daddy had been the first one to tell me to have that mole removed, well despite hating procedures, I probably would have had it removed to make him happy and to shut him up about it. But. NO! It was Mama who nagged the pure-tee-crap out of me. So. No. I hung onto that dang thing just to make her miserable. Now...
Dear sixteen year old me, for being such a decent kid, you sure were stupid and rebellious! You went to church every Sunday, active in the MYF, and you took that blasted mole everywhere you went just to make Mama mad and to hear her beg you to get it removed so it wouldn't give me trouble one day! Me, every time she mentioned that mole, you told her...every time and there were a LOT of times, to "Leave me alone! It's just a mole for crying out loud! It's not like it's going to kill me or anything!"
Yes, dear defiant sixteen year old me...you did say that. Repeatedly. And guess what? You should've listened to Mama! The old gal actually knew what she was talking about. Garden Peas!!! (Mama's equivalent of cussing). Why couldn't you have had that mole removed and shut her up? It's not like she didn't have plenty of other stuff to nag you about mercilessly! Oh no. Not you, me. YOU had to keep at it. Not only did you keep that mole, you enjoyed laying out in the sun. In the backyard. At the pool. At the yearly trip to the beach. You'd fall asleep out there. Sunblock didn't exsist, but suntan lotion did. And it all smelled like coconut. Remember that, me? You hated it and wouldn;t wear it. If you were in the backyard or at the pool you used Johnson's Baby Oil. If it was at the beach, you didn't use it. Went just bakable skin.
Remember those burns? I remeber at least 3 really good ones. There may have been more. I mean, I did fall asleep out there. But man did I look good! For me. Never was a bathing beauty, but I was passable. And a good tan made us all look good. The tanner the better the bragging rights. Rememebr, me? You were soooooooooo, say again, vainly stupid!
And dammit, if Mama wasn't right! That damn mole that you hung on and got sunburned with, and, did I mention that little talked about the time famiky history of melanoma...well, guess what Smarty Pants?
It's killing me. Literally.
See Dear 16 Year Old Me, you and me, Kid, we couldn't see the furute and we didn;nt understand about melanoma and there just wasn't the info about it that we have now. We didn't know that stupid mole could really kill me. And it is.
See Me, years have passed since we were 16 and have been bitten and I have my own melanoma dignosis. I started at stage 3b in July 2008 and jumped to advanced stage 4 in Sepremebr 2015. Brain (4 tumrs, lung, spine...bone). I was told in July 2016 that Duke had nothing left to offer me and they gave me a month. Well Me. I'm still here and can write this. I'm living on borrowed time and I kow it and I', only 57.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, 57 may sound "old" to you right now. But trust me. I'ts not old. At all. Tell other 16 year olds, you;ve got a lot of life left to live and you REALLY do want to see 57 and way beyond.
Live the coming years smartly. There are tanning beds now. STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM THEM and tell your friends that. They are killers. When you're outside and in the sun, wear sunBLOCK at least 30 or higher and apply liberally and every 2 hours. And be fashionable and make hats fashuonable and wear a hat, prefreabaly with a wide brim. If you CAN stay out of the direct sun in the early afternoon, do. Be sun smart and safe. That tan really is not worth your life.
I do NOT want my srory to be your story. Heed my warnings and the warnings of others. For the record, I stopped laying out when I was around 18-19. I was starting to hear more about Grandaddayd's melanoma and basal cell skin cancers (he was a sawmill man) and I knew I didn't want any parrt of any kind of cancer. I stopped, but the damage was done. It just was. That's how it goes. Do the damage today and pay for it later. In my case, decades later.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. You're a Granny now. You've two grown children. Tell them about me. Tell them the whole story and tell them how I wish I could have lived those years differently.
Be that one final blessing for others by sharing our story NOW and prevent others from having a similar story to share later. We always think "this" happens to "other people." WE are ALL other people to everybody on the planet except for ourselves. YOU ARE OTHRE PEOPLE!
So long, Sixteen Year Old Me!
charis
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Living In The Dark
When I first started this particular blog, I planned to write every day. But lufe got in my way for w while. I had ideas. I knew what wanted to write abiut, but I just couldn't write it. There are thoughts in my mind at this point of my life that only God knows and will know. There are thought's I don't plan to share with anybody. I bet just about everyine who has walked this way understands. There are simoply oains we will not let others kow...even our nearest and dearest. There are no words to describe how it feels you are putting your loved ones through the ultimate hurt and they will continue to hurt when you're gone. You can't help it or stop it and you can't prevent it, try as you might. This isn't how it was supposed to be, but this is how it is and this is the timing of it. Too soon. Too early. Too much left to do and can't. Even if there were words to describe it, only God would know them.
I've been watching CNN's "The Eighties" on Netflix. Last night it was about the muscic in the 80s and of course, Bruce Springsteen got a plg and it was "Dancing in the Dark." A favorite. I have a great friend, my big melaBro, Rich McDonald, who writes the "Hotel Melanoma" blog and what he does is take a Rock classic and put a melanoma twist on it. He has written some for me. I take requests and I've been told I'm "bossy" so I take advantage of that trait and I BOSS. People just think Springsteen/s The Boss...it's really me! insert annoying smiley face here.
So here's my take on Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" at this time of my life. (link to watch video with Courtney Cox)
charis
I've been watching CNN's "The Eighties" on Netflix. Last night it was about the muscic in the 80s and of course, Bruce Springsteen got a plg and it was "Dancing in the Dark." A favorite. I have a great friend, my big melaBro, Rich McDonald, who writes the "Hotel Melanoma" blog and what he does is take a Rock classic and put a melanoma twist on it. He has written some for me. I take requests and I've been told I'm "bossy" so I take advantage of that trait and I BOSS. People just think Springsteen/s The Boss...it's really me! insert annoying smiley face here.
So here's my take on Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" at this time of my life. (link to watch video with Courtney Cox)
“Living When It’s Dark” a rewrite based on Bruce Springsteen’s
“Dancing in the Dark”
I
stay up in the evening
and I sure got plenty to say
I’m at home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I am anything but tired
Man I'm not tired just bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
My life's on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
TV's on and I'm skootching 'round the place
Won’t check my look in the mirror
I ain’t changing my clothes, my hair, my face
But I ain't going nowhere
I AM living in our house like this
There's something happening right here
baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
My life’s on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
You sit wantin’ to get older
want a joke here somewhere but it's on me
and I sure got plenty to say
I’m at home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I am anything but tired
Man I'm not tired just bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
My life's on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
TV's on and I'm skootching 'round the place
Won’t check my look in the mirror
I ain’t changing my clothes, my hair, my face
But I ain't going nowhere
I AM living in our house like this
There's something happening right here
baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
My life’s on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
You sit wantin’ to get older
want a joke here somewhere but it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this time's on me
Remember the streets of this town
and they'll be hugging you up alright
They say you gotta stay living
hey baby I'm just living through tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm tired of sitting 'round here trying to live this life
I need a little action
come on now baby gimme some more time
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a dying heart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
You can't start a fire even when your little world’s falling apart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Hey baby
come on baby this time's on me
Remember the streets of this town
and they'll be hugging you up alright
They say you gotta stay living
hey baby I'm just living through tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm tired of sitting 'round here trying to live this life
I need a little action
come on now baby gimme some more time
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a dying heart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
You can't start a fire even when your little world’s falling apart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Hey baby
charis
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