With Pain

Recently soembody commented that they were glad I was doing this blog for as long a s I can about being advanced stage 4 melanoma. Their loved one had died from mel, had not ever really talked about what he was going thru, and now they hoped to get an idea of what theirloved one lived with. I hope I can help explain what the pain is like. In my case my tumors are in my brain, lung and spine. There's nothing left for me, so I'm not in any treatment and no more scans. It's quite possible that there's been spread and tumors are now in more places.

Yes. There's constant pain. Pretty mucj all over. I'm extrememly for the excellent pain killers available and I have a high level of pain tolerance, but part of having a cancer that has reached the point of having nothing left to offer, well, pain is there. I don't let people see it though. For me, right now, it's manageable. I take 2 high powered pain killers a day and just a few days ago I added a 3rd dose. I still have low level pain round the clock, but so do plenty peopel for different reasons. I'm 57 so I'm at a stage in life where pain and/or stiffness is the norm, no matter what...fir some people it's not round the ckock and for some it is. For me it is.

Starting from the top. I keep a dull, all-over headache. It's worse in the front of my face. As long as I'm sitting up, I'm better...not painfree, just better. When I lay down, when let's just say I can't get comfortable at bedtime. Pressure rushes wherever I turn and stays there. My whole head, round the clock, no matter how I sit or lay down...there's pressure.

And that feeling foes down my neck and into both shoulders and all across my back. Moving can be hard. Using my muscles hurs and not using my muscles hurts. Still a dull pain and that pain and stiffness goes down my arms and fungers.

I can live with it though. People reading this who actually know me and have seen me will be surprised by this. Everybody lives with something and life goes forward for them...well, this is me living with this and life goes forward. I do have a high ,elel of pain tolerance as I'ce said and I will not put myself in a place of becoming addicted to my pain killer. Mitch also monitors my meds and I can't get to them. Speaking of my meds, I also take an anti-seizure med twice a day and that definitle stops the pain that comes with seizures.

There's a stiffness that comes with this. I was in bed a loooooong time and I lost my muscles andenergy. I'm still rebuilding. I can stand...but Mitch has to hold me up. O dom't know if I'll ever stand up so I can begin getting back to walking some. When I lay down I can straigten out my legs, but that takes a few seconds and hurts, but when I want to stand, my knees won't straighten and it jurts. Really hurts. I'm not so suee abiut that old saying "No pain, no gain." I really don't push myself too hard, and I don't push myself at all when Mitch isn't with me because I;;m really afraid of breaking a bone. I take good care not to do something stupid that could cause a fracture.

So far, the tumor(s) really hasn't affected my lung...no pain, except when I try to sing. I maybe sing a couple of syllables or 2 and then I have to catch my nreath. It's not that gab when I talk, just singing. And that bothers my throat.

Then I get to my bowel area. To put it nicely, I'm completely incontentntn and have been for several months. I don't know if I've now got tumors there or really really bad gas paons but at least once a day now and sometimes twice a day, for literally 2-3 HOURS there's very intense pain as I think I'm "doing something" and when the pain ends...I've done NOTHINING. And when I'm going thru that partucular time, my pain meds can't touch it.

I've already written about my legs. My feet hurt to wiggle my toes and when I move my ankles. I do exercise my feet and toes everyday whuke I sit. The pain doesn't stop me. I don't like it but I need to. I do stretches, arms, finfers and legs everyday. Yeah, it husts but I need to do and despite the pain, I feel better when I do it. I feel like I'm accomplishing something,

So, yes there is pain with, but who has ever lived a life with absoleltely no pain. It's a part of life, I witnsess people whi live with so much worse and for longer. I dare not compalin

I write this post because there are others who wnat to know what this life with advanced stage 4 melanoma is like. This is the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I'll write more about pain later. I want to keep writing as long as I can.

In rhe meantime, if YOU ever have something you want to ask about or want a post about, let me know and I'll do my best to accomodate. Rgere's so mch I cannot do about my situation, BUT I can write about it!

And rememebr, this is all thanks to those teenage sunburns and layimg out a s a teenager, and it's thanks to hanging on to that blasted mole I refused to remove despite Mam's warning, and thanks to my genes. Yep...3 strikes you're out. But I'm not down for the count yet. So please feel free to share your concerns that you want me to address. And find me on Facebook.

Charis