It's been a while since I wrote an update to my life a s it is. My brain power has much improved so hopefully this will ake better sence. I got to the paecle that I had to stop. I wanted to share about what this point in my life is like and I overed it as best I could until...until I ran out of what I was comfortable sharing. Honestly, there are just some tginhfs that only God gets to hear. Not even Mitch. Just God. Sorry folks, but more than likely, that's normal and narural for people like me. The feelings are too deep. The thoughts too hard to verbalize. Too private to put out there for all to see. I don't want my children and grandchildren to rread sme things.
I'm mortal.What I have written and put out there are immortal in a way...they'll live on. So I want to leave them what I'm good at leaving them with.
Right now I'm doing better thatt I ever thought I'd be. I can wheel to the kitchen sink and wash dishes from my chair. I can do the laundry. When I remember to do them! But I've written a list to help me! I can get to the bathroom sink and brush mt teeth. I've taen up painting. Mitch has been taking me to church every Sunday now for a few months and I've renewed my mmembership at Conway, NC UMC my home church where I was born, baptized and raised. I was active there until I went into the ministry. From that time until I came back I my membership was held by Conference. I belonged nowhere. And didn't realize it until I was asked to preach Homecoming in August. All that time it never crossed my mind that I belonged nowhere.
But I'm now a member again and beginning this Sunday as a I write, I'll be teachiing the Jr High Sunday School class and am looking so forward to it! that was my age group when I taught at Conway!
And I can pull up on the pews, stand, and walk a few steps while hanging on. I can do that at the sink and at the mantle in the living room. And I can get behind the sofa and pull up and stand and take some steps. So, I'm improving.
But my head hurts constantly and my legs and feet still don't like me. I don't cook at all and that all for the good even thoiugh I was a geart cook and loved it. My braid don't neet to do that.
And I can tell I'm getting tired of writing rithg now because I see my spelling is getting worse. So I'll stop for neow,.
Hang in ther em. Do what you cana s you can and just do your best in all things at all times. Soemme days your best might not look like much to people but God will smile so to heck with wat poroeple think. Don't let them get to you. You are precisosu and you are loved and you are valialble.
Blessinsg1
charis
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
Thinking
I know. She's thinking! Watch out for falloing debris!
We know abot living our dash...how we live. We also think about the legacy we will leave.
Like it or not, none of us will stay here forever. We just won't. We all have lives; we do good things, great things, mistakes, maybe even do something criminal. We'tre human. And being human, we will, one day be no more. What will people say about us? How will we be rememebred?
Will my husband speak of me fondly or as a puer pain? (insert annoying smiley face here...I'm doted on and taken care on by the best husband EVER) What stories will he tell our grandchilren, and other people, abiut me?What will my legacy be?
I know how my children will rememberr me. I'm pretty sure they'll rememenr how such I loved them and tries to raise them right. They will ALSO rememebr myy "devil's voice". Whhen I got angry, really angry, especially when it was lare and it was waaaaaaay past bedtime, I hollered using what THEY called with my devil's voice. They knew I was ready to jerk a knot in them. They'll reeme er those times with a laugh. Weill my kides rememebr to use their own devil's voice when their kids are in trouble? Will my kids rememeber how I did with them and do those things with THEIR kiids? What rules and ways of MINE will MY kids make for their own kides that mirror my rules and ways? What will they use and what will they change or dismiss? How will I be remembered with them? What will be my legacy?
I pastored several churches during my time in the ministry. How will the good folks in my congregations rememeber me? Did I do any good that will carry on?
How will my family and friends who have known me all my life rememebr me? Uh oh. What stories will they share? Will my children laugh or hang their heads? Will I have lived a life that emabarrassed them or will they be fairly proud of me?
The day will come when my grandchildren won't rememeber me...sone thaven't even been born yet...what will they be told about me? How will I be rembebere? What is my legagcy?
How will the melanoma community rememebr me> New melahomies join our raks everyday. So maye don't know me...and that's the way it is for all of us. For those who know me, have I made an impact in the world of melaland>
We will ALL leave a legacy. How will YOU actually be rememebr by the ones wno matter? What changes do you need to make NOW wh9ile you can.
As I look back at this post, I see that I wrote a LOT of typos! Sorry. Not a great bran power day I recon. But I hope I made an impact with it and got people thinking.
This piont on my life is right around the corner. I look back on my life and I'm pretty satisfied. Not perfect, but blessed. My husband, children, grandchildren, Mama, and brother still speak to me (smile), I haven't lived too badly.
May peple rememebr the wheat and ignore the chaff. I'm only human.
Just rememebr, while you're living your dash, what will be rememevbered one day when you're no longer here? If you don't like it...change it.
I care. So does God.
charis
We know abot living our dash...how we live. We also think about the legacy we will leave.
Like it or not, none of us will stay here forever. We just won't. We all have lives; we do good things, great things, mistakes, maybe even do something criminal. We'tre human. And being human, we will, one day be no more. What will people say about us? How will we be rememebred?
Will my husband speak of me fondly or as a puer pain? (insert annoying smiley face here...I'm doted on and taken care on by the best husband EVER) What stories will he tell our grandchilren, and other people, abiut me?What will my legacy be?
I know how my children will rememberr me. I'm pretty sure they'll rememenr how such I loved them and tries to raise them right. They will ALSO rememebr myy "devil's voice". Whhen I got angry, really angry, especially when it was lare and it was waaaaaaay past bedtime, I hollered using what THEY called with my devil's voice. They knew I was ready to jerk a knot in them. They'll reeme er those times with a laugh. Weill my kides rememebr to use their own devil's voice when their kids are in trouble? Will my kids rememeber how I did with them and do those things with THEIR kiids? What rules and ways of MINE will MY kids make for their own kides that mirror my rules and ways? What will they use and what will they change or dismiss? How will I be remembered with them? What will be my legacy?
I pastored several churches during my time in the ministry. How will the good folks in my congregations rememeber me? Did I do any good that will carry on?
How will my family and friends who have known me all my life rememebr me? Uh oh. What stories will they share? Will my children laugh or hang their heads? Will I have lived a life that emabarrassed them or will they be fairly proud of me?
The day will come when my grandchildren won't rememeber me...sone thaven't even been born yet...what will they be told about me? How will I be rembebere? What is my legagcy?
How will the melanoma community rememebr me> New melahomies join our raks everyday. So maye don't know me...and that's the way it is for all of us. For those who know me, have I made an impact in the world of melaland>
We will ALL leave a legacy. How will YOU actually be rememebr by the ones wno matter? What changes do you need to make NOW wh9ile you can.
As I look back at this post, I see that I wrote a LOT of typos! Sorry. Not a great bran power day I recon. But I hope I made an impact with it and got people thinking.
This piont on my life is right around the corner. I look back on my life and I'm pretty satisfied. Not perfect, but blessed. My husband, children, grandchildren, Mama, and brother still speak to me (smile), I haven't lived too badly.
May peple rememebr the wheat and ignore the chaff. I'm only human.
Just rememebr, while you're living your dash, what will be rememevbered one day when you're no longer here? If you don't like it...change it.
I care. So does God.
charis
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Standing Up For Melanoma Awareness/Education Month
OK. In my last post I got a little punchy. Yes, me. I was on a topic that means a lot to me and I got a tad carried away with myself. I think I'm entitled. See, THIS time, THIS year, THIS May'y Melanoma Awareness/Education Month means so much more to me.
Talking 'bout a new attitiede! A new perspective that's, well, deeper, in your face and knows more that I did last May.
I began lodging at Hotel Melanoma Thuursday July 10, 2008 when I was told melanoma was in my mole. In August 2008 I was dianosed stage 3b. I realized then that I'm mortal. Up until then, I knew I'd die one day. EVERYBODY will die. We're ALL terminal...oh how I mortally despise that word...terminal. But I expected I'd be old. I figutred I'd die quickly. All that was theory, I guess. I had my thoughts and suppositions. I didn't have a clue about reality.
This time last year, things weren't good with me, but I had not been told there was nothinng lefft for me. I still had hope I could outwit melanoma in 4 places in my brain, mel in my lung, in my lumbar sacram (bottom of spine). I spread awareness of melanoma all this time, though I don't remember what I spread. Thankks to Facebook on the On This Day Paage I can rememeberr. All the years of my diagnosis, I was very active in the online melanoma community. I had connections, influnce and I used it all to help peiople. But I really didn't grasp the gravity of melanoma awareness and education until July 13, 2016 when the drs at Duke told me there was nothing left for me and I was sent home to die. That gave me a fresh way of looking at this.
We're in MAEM now...7 days in as I post and I'm not supposed to be here. But I am. So let me tell you how it's like to know you really ARE mortal and you REALLY will die...and it's not supposed to be like this.
I'm 57 years old. I may not see 58. I'm supposed to be going out with Mitch and us living our lives. Being man and wife, doing things together and tell about our day when we go in separate directions during the day as we pursue our calls. Him being a pharmacist and helping at the store and me beling a Methodist pastor. That's how it was supposed to be. Instead, he's at home with me all day every day. He does all the cooking and cleaning and shopping. He does everything. It wasn't supposed to be ths way. I'm either on the sofa or in bed all day every day. I can't walk. He has to help me get in the wheelchair and get out of it. He has to help me gey in and off the furnituire. It wasn't supposed to be this was. But it is. THIS is what melanoma awarenss looks like. It doesn't give a damn that we had a life and THIS ISN'T it!
I'm supposed to be part of my two churches. An active Methodist pastor, making a differnce, in people's lives. Helpong in the community. NOW I wacth church on Sunday morning on TV. I don't have a life to be part of. People have their lives. When I was first supposed to die, people were here. Now it's only some family and a few friends. I know they care, but they have stuff to do. They have lives to live and places to go and meals to cook and they don't realize Mitch gets lonely and needs to see faces other than mine. THIS is what melanoma has done. THIS is melanoma awareness and education is.
I'm sypposed to be a good Wife, Mom, Granny, Daughter, and Mother-in-Law. NOW, I'm a cause of worry and a burden. THIS IN NOT how my life was supposed to be. NOT at 57. NOT NOW.
But. This is how it is. Melanoma Awareness/Education is more than stats and info. It's real life. Life and death. wanting to live and doing your damned best to do that. No matter what. It's about God in the midst. I want YOU to live and choose life. I want YOU to take what I say to heart and make any necessary chanjges to your kife that you need to so YOU don't share this leg of my journey with me with your OWN advanced stage 4, nothing left to to do case.
I want YOU to live your calling, be there for your family, get moving and enjoy life, watch your children grow up and have their own kids.
I want so much for you. It's too late for me. It's not too late for you, I hope.
Do more than be aware. Do more than be educated.
Absorb my words into your life and look at your own life. Love it. Don't take it for granted. This isn't how it was supposed to be for me.
Prayerfully, it's not how it will be for YOU. It's just not how it's supposed to be.
We all think this won't happen "to me." The trouble with that thinking is we're all "other people."
I'm standing with you spiritually because I can't stand physically with you. But, together, we stand.
Against melanoma. Melahomies together forever. God with us and bless us all, everyone.
charis
Talking 'bout a new attitiede! A new perspective that's, well, deeper, in your face and knows more that I did last May.
I began lodging at Hotel Melanoma Thuursday July 10, 2008 when I was told melanoma was in my mole. In August 2008 I was dianosed stage 3b. I realized then that I'm mortal. Up until then, I knew I'd die one day. EVERYBODY will die. We're ALL terminal...oh how I mortally despise that word...terminal. But I expected I'd be old. I figutred I'd die quickly. All that was theory, I guess. I had my thoughts and suppositions. I didn't have a clue about reality.
This time last year, things weren't good with me, but I had not been told there was nothinng lefft for me. I still had hope I could outwit melanoma in 4 places in my brain, mel in my lung, in my lumbar sacram (bottom of spine). I spread awareness of melanoma all this time, though I don't remember what I spread. Thankks to Facebook on the On This Day Paage I can rememeberr. All the years of my diagnosis, I was very active in the online melanoma community. I had connections, influnce and I used it all to help peiople. But I really didn't grasp the gravity of melanoma awareness and education until July 13, 2016 when the drs at Duke told me there was nothing left for me and I was sent home to die. That gave me a fresh way of looking at this.
We're in MAEM now...7 days in as I post and I'm not supposed to be here. But I am. So let me tell you how it's like to know you really ARE mortal and you REALLY will die...and it's not supposed to be like this.
I'm 57 years old. I may not see 58. I'm supposed to be going out with Mitch and us living our lives. Being man and wife, doing things together and tell about our day when we go in separate directions during the day as we pursue our calls. Him being a pharmacist and helping at the store and me beling a Methodist pastor. That's how it was supposed to be. Instead, he's at home with me all day every day. He does all the cooking and cleaning and shopping. He does everything. It wasn't supposed to be ths way. I'm either on the sofa or in bed all day every day. I can't walk. He has to help me get in the wheelchair and get out of it. He has to help me gey in and off the furnituire. It wasn't supposed to be this was. But it is. THIS is what melanoma awarenss looks like. It doesn't give a damn that we had a life and THIS ISN'T it!
I'm supposed to be part of my two churches. An active Methodist pastor, making a differnce, in people's lives. Helpong in the community. NOW I wacth church on Sunday morning on TV. I don't have a life to be part of. People have their lives. When I was first supposed to die, people were here. Now it's only some family and a few friends. I know they care, but they have stuff to do. They have lives to live and places to go and meals to cook and they don't realize Mitch gets lonely and needs to see faces other than mine. THIS is what melanoma has done. THIS is melanoma awareness and education is.
I'm sypposed to be a good Wife, Mom, Granny, Daughter, and Mother-in-Law. NOW, I'm a cause of worry and a burden. THIS IN NOT how my life was supposed to be. NOT at 57. NOT NOW.
But. This is how it is. Melanoma Awareness/Education is more than stats and info. It's real life. Life and death. wanting to live and doing your damned best to do that. No matter what. It's about God in the midst. I want YOU to live and choose life. I want YOU to take what I say to heart and make any necessary chanjges to your kife that you need to so YOU don't share this leg of my journey with me with your OWN advanced stage 4, nothing left to to do case.
I want YOU to live your calling, be there for your family, get moving and enjoy life, watch your children grow up and have their own kids.
I want so much for you. It's too late for me. It's not too late for you, I hope.
Do more than be aware. Do more than be educated.
Absorb my words into your life and look at your own life. Love it. Don't take it for granted. This isn't how it was supposed to be for me.
Prayerfully, it's not how it will be for YOU. It's just not how it's supposed to be.
We all think this won't happen "to me." The trouble with that thinking is we're all "other people."
I'm standing with you spiritually because I can't stand physically with you. But, together, we stand.
Against melanoma. Melahomies together forever. God with us and bless us all, everyone.
charis
Friday, May 5, 2017
In Melanoma Awareness/Education Month
Celebrating the 5th day of Melanoma Awareness/Education Month...a day, last year that I didn't think I'd be seeing quite frankly but I'm glad I am. If I could be pacing on my soapbox right now, I'b be on a roll! I got stuff to say. Most people are going to ignore this post when they see it pop up on the Facebook and see the title of the post. That's OK. Because maybe a few willl feel guilty and read it and hear me.
First: would it kill my familt and frieens that are NOT melahomies, read my posts and acknowledge melanoma! Seriously? Seriously! I've invited folks to Donna Helms Melanoma Event and posted the page on my page and not a one have joined. All you have to is is "join." It cots you nothing but a click. That's it. I have a May Is Melanoma Awareness Month page. WE have melanoma! WE know all about it! We share so, maybe, you'll pay attention to us, learn about this disease, and MAYBR TOU won't get it yourself! We don't want you singing with our choir. We know the songs. We'd just as soon you sing along with Chris Tomlin or Meatloaf or Bruce Springsteen...or you favorite. We do what we do so MAYBE you won't join us in Melaland. None of us do what we do for US or for the fun of it. We post, share, and nag to HELP you and prayerfully spare YOU. YOU!
And, how about wearing BLACK? THAT's our color. Mela, melas, melan...Greek for BLACK, oma is Greek meaning tumor. People like black. It's a classy, fashionable color that goes with everything. Year round. A little support means a lot. There are many colors and diseases out there that have their own colors, days, or months. If you have, or know someone who does, show them some support and when you see their posts, show a little support...know persoannly and not these posts that circulate and are passed around necause someone copy/pastes and tells you to share. Make your posts personal. We all deal with something. If you are connected to me, it won't kill you to like some of my melanoma stuff. Promise. And truly, if you like or even share some of my melanoma stuff, you kight just save a life...maybe your OWN or someone you love,
This will probably be a my last MAEM. I wasn't suppsed to still be here for this one. Yet. Here I am. Maybe to light your fire a little. maybe to provoke my ire. Maybe to save your life and spare you what I'm going through.
See, it's probably NOT going to be melanoma that I actually will die from. I took some mighty potent meds and lived throough, barely, and have been enduring some life threatening side effects. It's a couple of those side effects that shoulld have killed me my now. All things considered, I'm doing good for where I am, but I know that can...will...change...at any time.
If it wasn't for the meds, I wouln'd be in this situation.
And I wouldn't need the meds if I didn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma.
And I wouldn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma if I had just listened to my parents and later to Mitch and had that mole removed decades ago and if I hadn't got some sunburns on that mole.
Thiis is the house that Jack built.
We just want to help YOU build YOUR house with melanoma NOT in the floorboards.
That's why I'm grateful to share another May, the month of Melanoma Awarenness/Education with you. It probabyl will be my last.
I want to make it count.
Will YOU help me?
Please?
Blessings.
charis
First: would it kill my familt and frieens that are NOT melahomies, read my posts and acknowledge melanoma! Seriously? Seriously! I've invited folks to Donna Helms Melanoma Event and posted the page on my page and not a one have joined. All you have to is is "join." It cots you nothing but a click. That's it. I have a May Is Melanoma Awareness Month page. WE have melanoma! WE know all about it! We share so, maybe, you'll pay attention to us, learn about this disease, and MAYBR TOU won't get it yourself! We don't want you singing with our choir. We know the songs. We'd just as soon you sing along with Chris Tomlin or Meatloaf or Bruce Springsteen...or you favorite. We do what we do so MAYBE you won't join us in Melaland. None of us do what we do for US or for the fun of it. We post, share, and nag to HELP you and prayerfully spare YOU. YOU!
And, how about wearing BLACK? THAT's our color. Mela, melas, melan...Greek for BLACK, oma is Greek meaning tumor. People like black. It's a classy, fashionable color that goes with everything. Year round. A little support means a lot. There are many colors and diseases out there that have their own colors, days, or months. If you have, or know someone who does, show them some support and when you see their posts, show a little support...know persoannly and not these posts that circulate and are passed around necause someone copy/pastes and tells you to share. Make your posts personal. We all deal with something. If you are connected to me, it won't kill you to like some of my melanoma stuff. Promise. And truly, if you like or even share some of my melanoma stuff, you kight just save a life...maybe your OWN or someone you love,
This will probably be a my last MAEM. I wasn't suppsed to still be here for this one. Yet. Here I am. Maybe to light your fire a little. maybe to provoke my ire. Maybe to save your life and spare you what I'm going through.
See, it's probably NOT going to be melanoma that I actually will die from. I took some mighty potent meds and lived throough, barely, and have been enduring some life threatening side effects. It's a couple of those side effects that shoulld have killed me my now. All things considered, I'm doing good for where I am, but I know that can...will...change...at any time.
If it wasn't for the meds, I wouln'd be in this situation.
And I wouldn't need the meds if I didn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma.
And I wouldn't have advanced stage 4 melanoma if I had just listened to my parents and later to Mitch and had that mole removed decades ago and if I hadn't got some sunburns on that mole.
Thiis is the house that Jack built.
We just want to help YOU build YOUR house with melanoma NOT in the floorboards.
That's why I'm grateful to share another May, the month of Melanoma Awarenness/Education with you. It probabyl will be my last.
I want to make it count.
Will YOU help me?
Please?
Blessings.
charis
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Standing...On The Promises
Today, as I write, is Easter Sunday! I was blessed by the televised service at Hayes Barton Baptist Church in Raleigh. It was BEAUTIFUL! THEN, we...yes...WE, Mitch and I shared Easter lunch with Mama, at her house, along with Jessica, John Robert (our daughter and son-in-law), and our grandchildren Micaylah and Damon.
YES!!! What more Easterish way to celebrate this holy day celebrating Christ's rising from the dead than the day I "up from my house, I arose" (ala "Up From the Grave He Arose and what Jessica said) and went visiting family?! This was my FIRST time leaving my house since the Christmas Eve service. I was supposed to be dead by now, not being wheeled to Mama's. I ate good (for me), I enjoyed myself and being with my family. Only James was missing, but he's in Georgia and will come after this semester ends. It's like God put legs to the aforementioned hymn! I'm living the power of God to raise someone up and show folks what God can do when man can't. I'm good with that!
I'm standing on the promises of God! He doesn't promise that I'll literally stand, I can't do that by myself, but let me tell you, I'm not just standing...I'm running spiritually! Today's a great, blessed day and I feel like I'm living on pwn Easter. Can't beat that for a way of celebrating!
And I'm finally learning to get myself around in the wheelchair once Mitch gets me in it. I can't get myself in and out of the chair by self...he has to help me with that. It hurts his back so I only do it in the morning and when it's bedtime. I could probably done that before now, but I didn't thiink about ot. I had to look at how to do it and figure it out for myself. I taught myself how to wheel myself around. Douesn't sound like much, I know, but that's how my brain works. I had to figure out how to do this. Anf it took a while to do that.
Today has been a true day of living out the Resurrection in my own little way. On Easter. The day the world changed and Satan couldn't stop it! The day God said, "I'M God and you aren't and no other 'god' is either. Me. t\The Great I AM."
And in the wee hours of the morning, God revealed His calming-in-the-storm power to the friend of mine who walks MelaRoad with me on Facebook and her journey, right now, is treacherous. Roadblocks are being constantly being thrown in her way and up until the wee hours of this Easter morning, she was not a person of faith. But, after talking with a friend who followed God's lead, she found faith and experienced God washing His calmness over her. A calmness that she knew was Lord-given! Heavily, and I do mean heavily, burdened with melanoma...she found Jesus and He was right there with her in Melaland...had been there all along and she's standing on the Rock now.
I tell ya, folks, today is Easter and God's at work and He's giving people a new life and resureccting them from the dead! And it's exciting!!!
Whether we stand from our chair or in our bed or onour own two feet, we stand. We fall seven times, yes, but we STAND eight. Nobody will actually see me standing, on my own, now. I do try, but I jusy can't do it. But I tell you what...
I stand. In my mind. In my spirit. I stand on the Rock. I stand on the promises of God. I do not sit, I stand and I will continue to stand. I will not sit. I will fall, and I have fallen...I am fallen. But God is faithful to stand me up, dirt and all, and pick me up.
I always stand eight. Never down for the count.
And when my time comes and people see down for the final time, may they remember looks can be decieving for I will not be falling...I will be standing and I will be running to the Rock through His Gates of Praise and I'll never fall again...I'll still be standing.
This time, I'll stand on my own, without a chair and the only Power supporting me will be God. I'll have Easter everyday and will experience the Easter I can only read about right now. And I'll rememebr today. For a mortal human being living with melanoma, I'm living the Easter life right now.
Today I STAND eight.
May you stand eight, also and be blessed.
charis
YES!!! What more Easterish way to celebrate this holy day celebrating Christ's rising from the dead than the day I "up from my house, I arose" (ala "Up From the Grave He Arose and what Jessica said) and went visiting family?! This was my FIRST time leaving my house since the Christmas Eve service. I was supposed to be dead by now, not being wheeled to Mama's. I ate good (for me), I enjoyed myself and being with my family. Only James was missing, but he's in Georgia and will come after this semester ends. It's like God put legs to the aforementioned hymn! I'm living the power of God to raise someone up and show folks what God can do when man can't. I'm good with that!
I'm standing on the promises of God! He doesn't promise that I'll literally stand, I can't do that by myself, but let me tell you, I'm not just standing...I'm running spiritually! Today's a great, blessed day and I feel like I'm living on pwn Easter. Can't beat that for a way of celebrating!
And I'm finally learning to get myself around in the wheelchair once Mitch gets me in it. I can't get myself in and out of the chair by self...he has to help me with that. It hurts his back so I only do it in the morning and when it's bedtime. I could probably done that before now, but I didn't thiink about ot. I had to look at how to do it and figure it out for myself. I taught myself how to wheel myself around. Douesn't sound like much, I know, but that's how my brain works. I had to figure out how to do this. Anf it took a while to do that.
Today has been a true day of living out the Resurrection in my own little way. On Easter. The day the world changed and Satan couldn't stop it! The day God said, "I'M God and you aren't and no other 'god' is either. Me. t\The Great I AM."
And in the wee hours of the morning, God revealed His calming-in-the-storm power to the friend of mine who walks MelaRoad with me on Facebook and her journey, right now, is treacherous. Roadblocks are being constantly being thrown in her way and up until the wee hours of this Easter morning, she was not a person of faith. But, after talking with a friend who followed God's lead, she found faith and experienced God washing His calmness over her. A calmness that she knew was Lord-given! Heavily, and I do mean heavily, burdened with melanoma...she found Jesus and He was right there with her in Melaland...had been there all along and she's standing on the Rock now.
I tell ya, folks, today is Easter and God's at work and He's giving people a new life and resureccting them from the dead! And it's exciting!!!
Whether we stand from our chair or in our bed or onour own two feet, we stand. We fall seven times, yes, but we STAND eight. Nobody will actually see me standing, on my own, now. I do try, but I jusy can't do it. But I tell you what...
I stand. In my mind. In my spirit. I stand on the Rock. I stand on the promises of God. I do not sit, I stand and I will continue to stand. I will not sit. I will fall, and I have fallen...I am fallen. But God is faithful to stand me up, dirt and all, and pick me up.
I always stand eight. Never down for the count.
And when my time comes and people see down for the final time, may they remember looks can be decieving for I will not be falling...I will be standing and I will be running to the Rock through His Gates of Praise and I'll never fall again...I'll still be standing.
This time, I'll stand on my own, without a chair and the only Power supporting me will be God. I'll have Easter everyday and will experience the Easter I can only read about right now. And I'll rememebr today. For a mortal human being living with melanoma, I'm living the Easter life right now.
Today I STAND eight.
May you stand eight, also and be blessed.
charis
Monday, April 10, 2017
With My OWN Dear 16 Year Old Me
I'm not in the best of moods today so this is the perfect day for me to write this post. Melanoma Awareness Month (May) is fast approaching but I feel the need to not wait until then. I'm writing it now while I have a lot of "have mercy!" in me.
The David Cornfield Melanoma Fund in Canada made the ULTIMATE melanoma awareness video several years ago and it's still shared, used, uplifted to this day. Prepare to see it often in May. It has been seen, so far, over TEN MILLION times in its six years existence! And it is Dear 16 Year Old Me. In case you ignored my first link to it in this post, here it is again. Besure to watch it before moving on to something else.
Here's my own letter to my 16 year old me. Keep in mind, I was a pretty good kid, a Daddy's girl, and Mama and I at this time had the stereotypical Mother-Daughter relationship. I was the ultimate rebel when it came to her. If Daddy had been the first one to tell me to have that mole removed, well despite hating procedures, I probably would have had it removed to make him happy and to shut him up about it. But. NO! It was Mama who nagged the pure-tee-crap out of me. So. No. I hung onto that dang thing just to make her miserable. Now...
Dear sixteen year old me, for being such a decent kid, you sure were stupid and rebellious! You went to church every Sunday, active in the MYF, and you took that blasted mole everywhere you went just to make Mama mad and to hear her beg you to get it removed so it wouldn't give me trouble one day! Me, every time she mentioned that mole, you told her...every time and there were a LOT of times, to "Leave me alone! It's just a mole for crying out loud! It's not like it's going to kill me or anything!"
Yes, dear defiant sixteen year old me...you did say that. Repeatedly. And guess what? You should've listened to Mama! The old gal actually knew what she was talking about. Garden Peas!!! (Mama's equivalent of cussing). Why couldn't you have had that mole removed and shut her up? It's not like she didn't have plenty of other stuff to nag you about mercilessly! Oh no. Not you, me. YOU had to keep at it. Not only did you keep that mole, you enjoyed laying out in the sun. In the backyard. At the pool. At the yearly trip to the beach. You'd fall asleep out there. Sunblock didn't exsist, but suntan lotion did. And it all smelled like coconut. Remember that, me? You hated it and wouldn;t wear it. If you were in the backyard or at the pool you used Johnson's Baby Oil. If it was at the beach, you didn't use it. Went just bakable skin.
Remember those burns? I remeber at least 3 really good ones. There may have been more. I mean, I did fall asleep out there. But man did I look good! For me. Never was a bathing beauty, but I was passable. And a good tan made us all look good. The tanner the better the bragging rights. Rememebr, me? You were soooooooooo, say again, vainly stupid!
And dammit, if Mama wasn't right! That damn mole that you hung on and got sunburned with, and, did I mention that little talked about the time famiky history of melanoma...well, guess what Smarty Pants?
It's killing me. Literally.
See Dear 16 Year Old Me, you and me, Kid, we couldn't see the furute and we didn;nt understand about melanoma and there just wasn't the info about it that we have now. We didn't know that stupid mole could really kill me. And it is.
See Me, years have passed since we were 16 and have been bitten and I have my own melanoma dignosis. I started at stage 3b in July 2008 and jumped to advanced stage 4 in Sepremebr 2015. Brain (4 tumrs, lung, spine...bone). I was told in July 2016 that Duke had nothing left to offer me and they gave me a month. Well Me. I'm still here and can write this. I'm living on borrowed time and I kow it and I', only 57.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, 57 may sound "old" to you right now. But trust me. I'ts not old. At all. Tell other 16 year olds, you;ve got a lot of life left to live and you REALLY do want to see 57 and way beyond.
Live the coming years smartly. There are tanning beds now. STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM THEM and tell your friends that. They are killers. When you're outside and in the sun, wear sunBLOCK at least 30 or higher and apply liberally and every 2 hours. And be fashionable and make hats fashuonable and wear a hat, prefreabaly with a wide brim. If you CAN stay out of the direct sun in the early afternoon, do. Be sun smart and safe. That tan really is not worth your life.
I do NOT want my srory to be your story. Heed my warnings and the warnings of others. For the record, I stopped laying out when I was around 18-19. I was starting to hear more about Grandaddayd's melanoma and basal cell skin cancers (he was a sawmill man) and I knew I didn't want any parrt of any kind of cancer. I stopped, but the damage was done. It just was. That's how it goes. Do the damage today and pay for it later. In my case, decades later.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. You're a Granny now. You've two grown children. Tell them about me. Tell them the whole story and tell them how I wish I could have lived those years differently.
Be that one final blessing for others by sharing our story NOW and prevent others from having a similar story to share later. We always think "this" happens to "other people." WE are ALL other people to everybody on the planet except for ourselves. YOU ARE OTHRE PEOPLE!
So long, Sixteen Year Old Me!
charis
The David Cornfield Melanoma Fund in Canada made the ULTIMATE melanoma awareness video several years ago and it's still shared, used, uplifted to this day. Prepare to see it often in May. It has been seen, so far, over TEN MILLION times in its six years existence! And it is Dear 16 Year Old Me. In case you ignored my first link to it in this post, here it is again. Besure to watch it before moving on to something else.
Here's my own letter to my 16 year old me. Keep in mind, I was a pretty good kid, a Daddy's girl, and Mama and I at this time had the stereotypical Mother-Daughter relationship. I was the ultimate rebel when it came to her. If Daddy had been the first one to tell me to have that mole removed, well despite hating procedures, I probably would have had it removed to make him happy and to shut him up about it. But. NO! It was Mama who nagged the pure-tee-crap out of me. So. No. I hung onto that dang thing just to make her miserable. Now...
Dear sixteen year old me, for being such a decent kid, you sure were stupid and rebellious! You went to church every Sunday, active in the MYF, and you took that blasted mole everywhere you went just to make Mama mad and to hear her beg you to get it removed so it wouldn't give me trouble one day! Me, every time she mentioned that mole, you told her...every time and there were a LOT of times, to "Leave me alone! It's just a mole for crying out loud! It's not like it's going to kill me or anything!"
Yes, dear defiant sixteen year old me...you did say that. Repeatedly. And guess what? You should've listened to Mama! The old gal actually knew what she was talking about. Garden Peas!!! (Mama's equivalent of cussing). Why couldn't you have had that mole removed and shut her up? It's not like she didn't have plenty of other stuff to nag you about mercilessly! Oh no. Not you, me. YOU had to keep at it. Not only did you keep that mole, you enjoyed laying out in the sun. In the backyard. At the pool. At the yearly trip to the beach. You'd fall asleep out there. Sunblock didn't exsist, but suntan lotion did. And it all smelled like coconut. Remember that, me? You hated it and wouldn;t wear it. If you were in the backyard or at the pool you used Johnson's Baby Oil. If it was at the beach, you didn't use it. Went just bakable skin.
Remember those burns? I remeber at least 3 really good ones. There may have been more. I mean, I did fall asleep out there. But man did I look good! For me. Never was a bathing beauty, but I was passable. And a good tan made us all look good. The tanner the better the bragging rights. Rememebr, me? You were soooooooooo, say again, vainly stupid!
And dammit, if Mama wasn't right! That damn mole that you hung on and got sunburned with, and, did I mention that little talked about the time famiky history of melanoma...well, guess what Smarty Pants?
It's killing me. Literally.
See Dear 16 Year Old Me, you and me, Kid, we couldn't see the furute and we didn;nt understand about melanoma and there just wasn't the info about it that we have now. We didn't know that stupid mole could really kill me. And it is.
See Me, years have passed since we were 16 and have been bitten and I have my own melanoma dignosis. I started at stage 3b in July 2008 and jumped to advanced stage 4 in Sepremebr 2015. Brain (4 tumrs, lung, spine...bone). I was told in July 2016 that Duke had nothing left to offer me and they gave me a month. Well Me. I'm still here and can write this. I'm living on borrowed time and I kow it and I', only 57.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, 57 may sound "old" to you right now. But trust me. I'ts not old. At all. Tell other 16 year olds, you;ve got a lot of life left to live and you REALLY do want to see 57 and way beyond.
Live the coming years smartly. There are tanning beds now. STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM THEM and tell your friends that. They are killers. When you're outside and in the sun, wear sunBLOCK at least 30 or higher and apply liberally and every 2 hours. And be fashionable and make hats fashuonable and wear a hat, prefreabaly with a wide brim. If you CAN stay out of the direct sun in the early afternoon, do. Be sun smart and safe. That tan really is not worth your life.
I do NOT want my srory to be your story. Heed my warnings and the warnings of others. For the record, I stopped laying out when I was around 18-19. I was starting to hear more about Grandaddayd's melanoma and basal cell skin cancers (he was a sawmill man) and I knew I didn't want any parrt of any kind of cancer. I stopped, but the damage was done. It just was. That's how it goes. Do the damage today and pay for it later. In my case, decades later.
Dear Sixteen Year Old Me, I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. You're a Granny now. You've two grown children. Tell them about me. Tell them the whole story and tell them how I wish I could have lived those years differently.
Be that one final blessing for others by sharing our story NOW and prevent others from having a similar story to share later. We always think "this" happens to "other people." WE are ALL other people to everybody on the planet except for ourselves. YOU ARE OTHRE PEOPLE!
So long, Sixteen Year Old Me!
charis
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Living In The Dark
When I first started this particular blog, I planned to write every day. But lufe got in my way for w while. I had ideas. I knew what wanted to write abiut, but I just couldn't write it. There are thoughts in my mind at this point of my life that only God knows and will know. There are thought's I don't plan to share with anybody. I bet just about everyine who has walked this way understands. There are simoply oains we will not let others kow...even our nearest and dearest. There are no words to describe how it feels you are putting your loved ones through the ultimate hurt and they will continue to hurt when you're gone. You can't help it or stop it and you can't prevent it, try as you might. This isn't how it was supposed to be, but this is how it is and this is the timing of it. Too soon. Too early. Too much left to do and can't. Even if there were words to describe it, only God would know them.
I've been watching CNN's "The Eighties" on Netflix. Last night it was about the muscic in the 80s and of course, Bruce Springsteen got a plg and it was "Dancing in the Dark." A favorite. I have a great friend, my big melaBro, Rich McDonald, who writes the "Hotel Melanoma" blog and what he does is take a Rock classic and put a melanoma twist on it. He has written some for me. I take requests and I've been told I'm "bossy" so I take advantage of that trait and I BOSS. People just think Springsteen/s The Boss...it's really me! insert annoying smiley face here.
So here's my take on Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" at this time of my life. (link to watch video with Courtney Cox)
charis
I've been watching CNN's "The Eighties" on Netflix. Last night it was about the muscic in the 80s and of course, Bruce Springsteen got a plg and it was "Dancing in the Dark." A favorite. I have a great friend, my big melaBro, Rich McDonald, who writes the "Hotel Melanoma" blog and what he does is take a Rock classic and put a melanoma twist on it. He has written some for me. I take requests and I've been told I'm "bossy" so I take advantage of that trait and I BOSS. People just think Springsteen/s The Boss...it's really me! insert annoying smiley face here.
So here's my take on Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" at this time of my life. (link to watch video with Courtney Cox)
“Living When It’s Dark” a rewrite based on Bruce Springsteen’s
“Dancing in the Dark”
I
stay up in the evening
and I sure got plenty to say
I’m at home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I am anything but tired
Man I'm not tired just bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
My life's on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
TV's on and I'm skootching 'round the place
Won’t check my look in the mirror
I ain’t changing my clothes, my hair, my face
But I ain't going nowhere
I AM living in our house like this
There's something happening right here
baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
My life’s on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
You sit wantin’ to get older
want a joke here somewhere but it's on me
and I sure got plenty to say
I’m at home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I am anything but tired
Man I'm not tired just bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
My life's on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
Message keeps getting clearer
TV's on and I'm skootching 'round the place
Won’t check my look in the mirror
I ain’t changing my clothes, my hair, my face
But I ain't going nowhere
I AM living in our house like this
There's something happening right here
baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
My life’s on fire
even if we're just living in the dark
You sit wantin’ to get older
want a joke here somewhere but it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this time's on me
Remember the streets of this town
and they'll be hugging you up alright
They say you gotta stay living
hey baby I'm just living through tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm tired of sitting 'round here trying to live this life
I need a little action
come on now baby gimme some more time
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a dying heart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
You can't start a fire even when your little world’s falling apart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Hey baby
come on baby this time's on me
Remember the streets of this town
and they'll be hugging you up alright
They say you gotta stay living
hey baby I'm just living through tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm tired of sitting 'round here trying to live this life
I need a little action
come on now baby gimme some more time
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a dying heart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
You can't start a fire even when your little world’s falling apart
My life’s on fire
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Even if we're just living in the dark
Hey baby
charis
Friday, March 31, 2017
Pushing Through
Peolpe are telling me I'm an "inspiration" I'm "inspiring and inspirational." Thanks, but I'm none of that. I'm a human being doing the best I can with what I've got and I'm a person who's pushing through. Everybody's inspiring in their own way. Everybody is a model for someone who needs to see how you're pushing through, or going around, or going ovver the obstacle that's in yout way.
We're all being watched by someone else to cee how to cope with a trial that's currently a part of their life. How do you push though the trials you're living with now? What are you modeling for the folks around you, are part of your life, that you reveal to folks who know you only through Facebook? And we never know who's watching to se how you're copinf.
True story: S few decades ago, Mama and Daday were hit with some surprising news...news that wasn't as commomplace then as it is today. But they faced it gracefully and modeled Christ in them. A little later, another couple in our area was faced with the same issue in their family. Years later, the woman from this second couple told me she rememebre how Mama dealt with it and her memoeries of Mama helped her handle it when it happened in her family!
We never know what people will rememebr and hold on to to get them through. They may tell us or they may not. They may be family or they may be folks we know or they may have heard our stories from others.
When I first started sharing about my melanoma, I wanted to push people to share theirs. I'm Bossy, not Inspiring. I still want to push peple to get out of their comfort zones and tell people what their dealing with. I want to push people to push others and share! Maybe what you're dealing with isn't melanoma...so...share about what you are dealing with! Join or create a group, talk face to face with someone who needs you and understands, write that blog or book, make that phopt album, write those songs, get out of your comfort zone and help someone. Push youself. Don't say "I can't"...say "I can" and then get the hekp you may need and do it. You may not write that best seller. But you know what? You won't write it if you don't push yourself and try!
I can push through writing but I also push myslef to live. If you read my last post you know about the constant pain I live with. And push through. I push me. I don';t want to inspire you to push...I want to tell you to push! I want to boss the hell out of you and tell you ti live as best you can while you can. Push through the pain...rest when you need to, but then resume pushing. Push, rest, push, rest.
I can't stand up on my own strength, but it has taken some pushing to get to where I am. If you need a pity party, throw a good one, then push on! I speak with authority and with first hand experience.
Whule I'm pushing you around toeay, lisren to the ultimate Pusher. God blows in our lives. Right now He's blowing me as I sit in my sofa seat. I feel His Wind as I sit still. Be still and know. Where's God blowing you! Fokkow HIS lead and go where His Wind b,ows.
On Facebook, we each have a page of our memories of this day. Posts we did on that day howver many years ago...depending on how long we've been on FB. I wrote this post on my Attitude of Gratitude 5 years ago. God's at work here because this AOG post works beaurtifully with my post here today. Read and be blessed: https://letsgivethanks.blogspot.com/2012/03/going-where-gods-wind-blows.html
God's blowing. Pushing us. Moving in and on us. HE'S the one who truly inspires us. Me? I just try to push you into His path!
charis
We're all being watched by someone else to cee how to cope with a trial that's currently a part of their life. How do you push though the trials you're living with now? What are you modeling for the folks around you, are part of your life, that you reveal to folks who know you only through Facebook? And we never know who's watching to se how you're copinf.
True story: S few decades ago, Mama and Daday were hit with some surprising news...news that wasn't as commomplace then as it is today. But they faced it gracefully and modeled Christ in them. A little later, another couple in our area was faced with the same issue in their family. Years later, the woman from this second couple told me she rememebre how Mama dealt with it and her memoeries of Mama helped her handle it when it happened in her family!
We never know what people will rememebr and hold on to to get them through. They may tell us or they may not. They may be family or they may be folks we know or they may have heard our stories from others.
When I first started sharing about my melanoma, I wanted to push people to share theirs. I'm Bossy, not Inspiring. I still want to push peple to get out of their comfort zones and tell people what their dealing with. I want to push people to push others and share! Maybe what you're dealing with isn't melanoma...so...share about what you are dealing with! Join or create a group, talk face to face with someone who needs you and understands, write that blog or book, make that phopt album, write those songs, get out of your comfort zone and help someone. Push youself. Don't say "I can't"...say "I can" and then get the hekp you may need and do it. You may not write that best seller. But you know what? You won't write it if you don't push yourself and try!
I can push through writing but I also push myslef to live. If you read my last post you know about the constant pain I live with. And push through. I push me. I don';t want to inspire you to push...I want to tell you to push! I want to boss the hell out of you and tell you ti live as best you can while you can. Push through the pain...rest when you need to, but then resume pushing. Push, rest, push, rest.
I can't stand up on my own strength, but it has taken some pushing to get to where I am. If you need a pity party, throw a good one, then push on! I speak with authority and with first hand experience.
Whule I'm pushing you around toeay, lisren to the ultimate Pusher. God blows in our lives. Right now He's blowing me as I sit in my sofa seat. I feel His Wind as I sit still. Be still and know. Where's God blowing you! Fokkow HIS lead and go where His Wind b,ows.
On Facebook, we each have a page of our memories of this day. Posts we did on that day howver many years ago...depending on how long we've been on FB. I wrote this post on my Attitude of Gratitude 5 years ago. God's at work here because this AOG post works beaurtifully with my post here today. Read and be blessed: https://letsgivethanks.blogspot.com/2012/03/going-where-gods-wind-blows.html
God's blowing. Pushing us. Moving in and on us. HE'S the one who truly inspires us. Me? I just try to push you into His path!
charis
Thursday, March 30, 2017
With Pain
Recently soembody commented that they were glad I was doing this blog for as long a s I can about being advanced stage 4 melanoma. Their loved one had died from mel, had not ever really talked about what he was going thru, and now they hoped to get an idea of what theirloved one lived with. I hope I can help explain what the pain is like. In my case my tumors are in my brain, lung and spine. There's nothing left for me, so I'm not in any treatment and no more scans. It's quite possible that there's been spread and tumors are now in more places.
Yes. There's constant pain. Pretty mucj all over. I'm extrememly for the excellent pain killers available and I have a high level of pain tolerance, but part of having a cancer that has reached the point of having nothing left to offer, well, pain is there. I don't let people see it though. For me, right now, it's manageable. I take 2 high powered pain killers a day and just a few days ago I added a 3rd dose. I still have low level pain round the clock, but so do plenty peopel for different reasons. I'm 57 so I'm at a stage in life where pain and/or stiffness is the norm, no matter what...fir some people it's not round the ckock and for some it is. For me it is.
Starting from the top. I keep a dull, all-over headache. It's worse in the front of my face. As long as I'm sitting up, I'm better...not painfree, just better. When I lay down, when let's just say I can't get comfortable at bedtime. Pressure rushes wherever I turn and stays there. My whole head, round the clock, no matter how I sit or lay down...there's pressure.
And that feeling foes down my neck and into both shoulders and all across my back. Moving can be hard. Using my muscles hurs and not using my muscles hurts. Still a dull pain and that pain and stiffness goes down my arms and fungers.
I can live with it though. People reading this who actually know me and have seen me will be surprised by this. Everybody lives with something and life goes forward for them...well, this is me living with this and life goes forward. I do have a high ,elel of pain tolerance as I'ce said and I will not put myself in a place of becoming addicted to my pain killer. Mitch also monitors my meds and I can't get to them. Speaking of my meds, I also take an anti-seizure med twice a day and that definitle stops the pain that comes with seizures.
There's a stiffness that comes with this. I was in bed a loooooong time and I lost my muscles andenergy. I'm still rebuilding. I can stand...but Mitch has to hold me up. O dom't know if I'll ever stand up so I can begin getting back to walking some. When I lay down I can straigten out my legs, but that takes a few seconds and hurts, but when I want to stand, my knees won't straighten and it jurts. Really hurts. I'm not so suee abiut that old saying "No pain, no gain." I really don't push myself too hard, and I don't push myself at all when Mitch isn't with me because I;;m really afraid of breaking a bone. I take good care not to do something stupid that could cause a fracture.
So far, the tumor(s) really hasn't affected my lung...no pain, except when I try to sing. I maybe sing a couple of syllables or 2 and then I have to catch my nreath. It's not that gab when I talk, just singing. And that bothers my throat.
Then I get to my bowel area. To put it nicely, I'm completely incontentntn and have been for several months. I don't know if I've now got tumors there or really really bad gas paons but at least once a day now and sometimes twice a day, for literally 2-3 HOURS there's very intense pain as I think I'm "doing something" and when the pain ends...I've done NOTHINING. And when I'm going thru that partucular time, my pain meds can't touch it.
I've already written about my legs. My feet hurt to wiggle my toes and when I move my ankles. I do exercise my feet and toes everyday whuke I sit. The pain doesn't stop me. I don't like it but I need to. I do stretches, arms, finfers and legs everyday. Yeah, it husts but I need to do and despite the pain, I feel better when I do it. I feel like I'm accomplishing something,
So, yes there is pain with, but who has ever lived a life with absoleltely no pain. It's a part of life, I witnsess people whi live with so much worse and for longer. I dare not compalin
I write this post because there are others who wnat to know what this life with advanced stage 4 melanoma is like. This is the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I'll write more about pain later. I want to keep writing as long as I can.
In rhe meantime, if YOU ever have something you want to ask about or want a post about, let me know and I'll do my best to accomodate. Rgere's so mch I cannot do about my situation, BUT I can write about it!
And rememebr, this is all thanks to those teenage sunburns and layimg out a s a teenager, and it's thanks to hanging on to that blasted mole I refused to remove despite Mam's warning, and thanks to my genes. Yep...3 strikes you're out. But I'm not down for the count yet. So please feel free to share your concerns that you want me to address. And find me on Facebook.
Charis
Yes. There's constant pain. Pretty mucj all over. I'm extrememly for the excellent pain killers available and I have a high level of pain tolerance, but part of having a cancer that has reached the point of having nothing left to offer, well, pain is there. I don't let people see it though. For me, right now, it's manageable. I take 2 high powered pain killers a day and just a few days ago I added a 3rd dose. I still have low level pain round the clock, but so do plenty peopel for different reasons. I'm 57 so I'm at a stage in life where pain and/or stiffness is the norm, no matter what...fir some people it's not round the ckock and for some it is. For me it is.
Starting from the top. I keep a dull, all-over headache. It's worse in the front of my face. As long as I'm sitting up, I'm better...not painfree, just better. When I lay down, when let's just say I can't get comfortable at bedtime. Pressure rushes wherever I turn and stays there. My whole head, round the clock, no matter how I sit or lay down...there's pressure.
And that feeling foes down my neck and into both shoulders and all across my back. Moving can be hard. Using my muscles hurs and not using my muscles hurts. Still a dull pain and that pain and stiffness goes down my arms and fungers.
I can live with it though. People reading this who actually know me and have seen me will be surprised by this. Everybody lives with something and life goes forward for them...well, this is me living with this and life goes forward. I do have a high ,elel of pain tolerance as I'ce said and I will not put myself in a place of becoming addicted to my pain killer. Mitch also monitors my meds and I can't get to them. Speaking of my meds, I also take an anti-seizure med twice a day and that definitle stops the pain that comes with seizures.
There's a stiffness that comes with this. I was in bed a loooooong time and I lost my muscles andenergy. I'm still rebuilding. I can stand...but Mitch has to hold me up. O dom't know if I'll ever stand up so I can begin getting back to walking some. When I lay down I can straigten out my legs, but that takes a few seconds and hurts, but when I want to stand, my knees won't straighten and it jurts. Really hurts. I'm not so suee abiut that old saying "No pain, no gain." I really don't push myself too hard, and I don't push myself at all when Mitch isn't with me because I;;m really afraid of breaking a bone. I take good care not to do something stupid that could cause a fracture.
So far, the tumor(s) really hasn't affected my lung...no pain, except when I try to sing. I maybe sing a couple of syllables or 2 and then I have to catch my nreath. It's not that gab when I talk, just singing. And that bothers my throat.
Then I get to my bowel area. To put it nicely, I'm completely incontentntn and have been for several months. I don't know if I've now got tumors there or really really bad gas paons but at least once a day now and sometimes twice a day, for literally 2-3 HOURS there's very intense pain as I think I'm "doing something" and when the pain ends...I've done NOTHINING. And when I'm going thru that partucular time, my pain meds can't touch it.
I've already written about my legs. My feet hurt to wiggle my toes and when I move my ankles. I do exercise my feet and toes everyday whuke I sit. The pain doesn't stop me. I don't like it but I need to. I do stretches, arms, finfers and legs everyday. Yeah, it husts but I need to do and despite the pain, I feel better when I do it. I feel like I'm accomplishing something,
So, yes there is pain with, but who has ever lived a life with absoleltely no pain. It's a part of life, I witnsess people whi live with so much worse and for longer. I dare not compalin
I write this post because there are others who wnat to know what this life with advanced stage 4 melanoma is like. This is the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I'll write more about pain later. I want to keep writing as long as I can.
In rhe meantime, if YOU ever have something you want to ask about or want a post about, let me know and I'll do my best to accomodate. Rgere's so mch I cannot do about my situation, BUT I can write about it!
And rememebr, this is all thanks to those teenage sunburns and layimg out a s a teenager, and it's thanks to hanging on to that blasted mole I refused to remove despite Mam's warning, and thanks to my genes. Yep...3 strikes you're out. But I'm not down for the count yet. So please feel free to share your concerns that you want me to address. And find me on Facebook.
Charis
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
With My Emotions
I'm not the same person now that I was September 2, 2015 when I was told "brain, lung, spine" at Duke. Up until that moment I was happily stage 3b melanoma. I knew something was going on due to some symptom, but the extend completely floored me. I sat there in the dr's office and just cried. I knew what "brain" meant and add lung and spine (bone) to it and I reaay knew what that meant. I knew what was coming, I just didn't know when. I still don't know when, but I've traveled a path of emotions. Let me tell you about and tell you where I am now.
We all have emotions and we're all different people. This is about me. I can't write about you, but I can tell you what this has been like for me and maybe it will hekp you somehow. I hope so.
I've always been a practical person...a trait i inherited from both my parents...Mama even more so than Daddy. I'm a naturally happy person, my son says I'm "too perky". I'm realistic, like both my parents and whule they both see life as the glass beung half full, MY glass overflows. The lens in my glasses are reality and they are colored deep rosy red. That's who I am naturally. Oh, and those lens are also looked through theoogically. I have to find God in everything or I can't function.
Back in Sep 2015, I cried. A lot. Sometimes I'd be feeling like me and thrn it would hit me. From out of nowhere. That eventually lessened as I just didn't have the time to dwell on this. The battle was engaged and it had to be fought and that's where my energy went. Plus, I just didn't want to go to the place where I felt sorry for me. I have a huband who was giving me his heroical best and he needed my best for him. My two grown children and son-in-law needed me to model for then how to do this and I sure didn't want to show them a nasty Mma! My two young grandchldren didn't understand what was going on and why I stayed in bed, but I sure as heck wanted THEM to see the best me possible. My fight has never been about me, it has been about them and for them. I was satisfied in Sept 2015 to go home and live out my days like I wanted to. My plans didn't include Duke, surgery, raiation, and toxic drugs. Not me. But my son chanjed my mind and my daugher, husband and son-in-law joined in. THEY wanted me to fight to live. To do whatever the drs wanted me to do. So to make rhem happy, I put my feelings aside and did what they wanted.
I had 4 brain tumrs to deal with first. They were all spread out so they removed the largest. After it healed somewhat, they did 5 rounds of raiation on by brain and spine at the same time. All this time, Mitch and I went back and forth to Duke as I healed. Mitch worked and I spent the days at Mama's so I was never left alone.
I was happy to be able to be home. I did good with the surgery and radiation. Mama did the cooking as no one wanted me around the stove. We all knew there was never any telling what my brain would decide to do. I still had my crying spells at night when Mitch was alseep...he saw a few, but he didn't see most of them. I needed to let everyoe see a brave face and I needed that for myself. Even with my damaged brain I knew it was important for me to face this honestly but yet nicely around peopel and to be the old me as best as I could. This disease brought about some changes in me. I'll be damned if I was going to let it chaange evetything. Probably that was the biggest battle for me...to be ME as best I could. I wasn't going to let death or anything else get me down for good.
After my brain did some healing I was started on the Opdivo-Yervoy combo and did 2 rounds. My drs were pleased I was able to do that much because a lot of people can't do but one round. It liked to have killed me and that second round landed me at Duke for 2 weeks. Mitch never left my side and I honestly didn't think I was going to leave Duke. I thought I was dying and so did Mitch for a while there. Needless to say, the combo was dropped. I went back home, stayed in bed, had no enery or strenth, or appitite. It took me a looooooooong time to get back to a somewhat diet and eat. I still drink a lot of milk everyday, It was milk that got me through that time. And God. God has been with me every step.
I honestly don't rememebr what my emotions were then. I do rememebr never lashing out at anybody at Duke excpet one tiem when I was trying my best to get a dr to listen to what I was trying to tell her and she just wouldn't hear me out. Other than that one time, I nice to folks, eveb thru all the jabs and pokes...they were doing their job and not trying to hur me. The longer I was there the worse that time got. I wasn't in pain...they had good stuff to take crae of that!....but all the needles took their toll on the veins in my right arm. My left arm has lymphedema and can't have needls. So all draws and everything was done on my right arm and the vein structure was destroyed. After two weeks I was able to go home. I didn't die aftter all and they put me on Zelboraf. After a few weeks they added Colettic. After a few weeks they had to take me off the Colettic and a few weeks larer they took me off the Zel.
I can't do drugs. Never have been able to. I can't even take aspirin without side effects. These chemicals took a toll on me and there was no more after that.
I say June, Mitch says July, 2016, the tumors in my brain were back and I was given a month. I still didn't spend my time crying though I did still have my times when tears would fall. But not for long and never when anybody could see them except Mitch. I wanted spending my time, in bed as I was, with my family as best as I could and I wanted them to know I was OK and we had time to talk.
I never got angry during this time. I had worked out my anger back in 2008 when I was first diagnosed. I didn't want to eat up the rest of my life being angry. I wanted my family to have good memories of me. And above all, I needed to them to see me living my faith even as I was dying. And I was dying. In mid-August 2016 we all though my time had come. Good byes were said, tears were shed. And I was OK. God had gotten me to a place where I was truly at peace. When I first came home from Duke I was taking up to 5 high dose pain killer, NOW however, I was down to 1 or 2. I had aleady looked death in the face and knew I could do what I had to do/ I wasn't scared. I really wasn't. I had expected me to be eaten yp with fear, but I wasn't. I was calm. Serene, at peace.
And I lived through it! I did't die after all. I've never been back to Duke. Mitch can get me in a wheelchair to the sofa now where I spend my days. I can't expalain what happened. Christmas miracle? The toxic chemicals side effects worked out? A combination of both? God working through the chemicals and now I'm living with the good they brought and the toxic part is gone? I don't know. But I di know that I'm doing better now than I've done i months! Not complaining.
Since I'm not going back to Duke, I have no clue what my melanoma is doing. Don't want to know. I'm a miracle nand I knw it and I donn't plan to mess that up! I'm enjoying my life as it is. It's far more than I ever exxpected it to be lasst Augucy when I was dying.
I know this disease. I don't know the time I have left. Death is a part of life but, as a person of faaith, it's only the beginning to LIFE! Twice now I've looked death in the face, got close enogh to almost kiss, and God said "I don't think so. Not now." I'm fine with that.
I've seen more time than I ever dreamed of having in August. I've seen more of my children and grandchildren than I ever thought I would bakc in August. They've all gotten to see THIS me and gotten their own up close and personal glimpse of what God can do.
I don't have a clue as to what's going on inside me. I know something is, but I don't know exacctly what. I don't want to know either. Emotionally I;m in a suprisingly great place. I'm not afraid,,,that fear has already been faced and overcome. I'm not miserable...I'm happy and so gald to still be here. I'm not full of complaints...I;m full of joy. God has been busy!
Nope. I'm not who I was. I'm far better. I've been through a lot and I've still got stuff to go through and I don't know what exactly. But none of us know what our futues holds.
But I do know WHO holds my future and I know, without a doubt, I can can through it and celebrate my victory over it as I run through the Gates of Praise. THAT much I di know!
Be strong. Smile. Share your love and joy and laughter with the ones you love while you can.
Do what's imprtaant and do it with the right attitude...not in fear and dread. We only pass this way but once. Make your once count. Be a blessing, even if it's always in bed or ina chair, and be blessed.
charis
We all have emotions and we're all different people. This is about me. I can't write about you, but I can tell you what this has been like for me and maybe it will hekp you somehow. I hope so.
I've always been a practical person...a trait i inherited from both my parents...Mama even more so than Daddy. I'm a naturally happy person, my son says I'm "too perky". I'm realistic, like both my parents and whule they both see life as the glass beung half full, MY glass overflows. The lens in my glasses are reality and they are colored deep rosy red. That's who I am naturally. Oh, and those lens are also looked through theoogically. I have to find God in everything or I can't function.
Back in Sep 2015, I cried. A lot. Sometimes I'd be feeling like me and thrn it would hit me. From out of nowhere. That eventually lessened as I just didn't have the time to dwell on this. The battle was engaged and it had to be fought and that's where my energy went. Plus, I just didn't want to go to the place where I felt sorry for me. I have a huband who was giving me his heroical best and he needed my best for him. My two grown children and son-in-law needed me to model for then how to do this and I sure didn't want to show them a nasty Mma! My two young grandchldren didn't understand what was going on and why I stayed in bed, but I sure as heck wanted THEM to see the best me possible. My fight has never been about me, it has been about them and for them. I was satisfied in Sept 2015 to go home and live out my days like I wanted to. My plans didn't include Duke, surgery, raiation, and toxic drugs. Not me. But my son chanjed my mind and my daugher, husband and son-in-law joined in. THEY wanted me to fight to live. To do whatever the drs wanted me to do. So to make rhem happy, I put my feelings aside and did what they wanted.
I had 4 brain tumrs to deal with first. They were all spread out so they removed the largest. After it healed somewhat, they did 5 rounds of raiation on by brain and spine at the same time. All this time, Mitch and I went back and forth to Duke as I healed. Mitch worked and I spent the days at Mama's so I was never left alone.
I was happy to be able to be home. I did good with the surgery and radiation. Mama did the cooking as no one wanted me around the stove. We all knew there was never any telling what my brain would decide to do. I still had my crying spells at night when Mitch was alseep...he saw a few, but he didn't see most of them. I needed to let everyoe see a brave face and I needed that for myself. Even with my damaged brain I knew it was important for me to face this honestly but yet nicely around peopel and to be the old me as best as I could. This disease brought about some changes in me. I'll be damned if I was going to let it chaange evetything. Probably that was the biggest battle for me...to be ME as best I could. I wasn't going to let death or anything else get me down for good.
After my brain did some healing I was started on the Opdivo-Yervoy combo and did 2 rounds. My drs were pleased I was able to do that much because a lot of people can't do but one round. It liked to have killed me and that second round landed me at Duke for 2 weeks. Mitch never left my side and I honestly didn't think I was going to leave Duke. I thought I was dying and so did Mitch for a while there. Needless to say, the combo was dropped. I went back home, stayed in bed, had no enery or strenth, or appitite. It took me a looooooooong time to get back to a somewhat diet and eat. I still drink a lot of milk everyday, It was milk that got me through that time. And God. God has been with me every step.
I honestly don't rememebr what my emotions were then. I do rememebr never lashing out at anybody at Duke excpet one tiem when I was trying my best to get a dr to listen to what I was trying to tell her and she just wouldn't hear me out. Other than that one time, I nice to folks, eveb thru all the jabs and pokes...they were doing their job and not trying to hur me. The longer I was there the worse that time got. I wasn't in pain...they had good stuff to take crae of that!....but all the needles took their toll on the veins in my right arm. My left arm has lymphedema and can't have needls. So all draws and everything was done on my right arm and the vein structure was destroyed. After two weeks I was able to go home. I didn't die aftter all and they put me on Zelboraf. After a few weeks they added Colettic. After a few weeks they had to take me off the Colettic and a few weeks larer they took me off the Zel.
I can't do drugs. Never have been able to. I can't even take aspirin without side effects. These chemicals took a toll on me and there was no more after that.
I say June, Mitch says July, 2016, the tumors in my brain were back and I was given a month. I still didn't spend my time crying though I did still have my times when tears would fall. But not for long and never when anybody could see them except Mitch. I wanted spending my time, in bed as I was, with my family as best as I could and I wanted them to know I was OK and we had time to talk.
I never got angry during this time. I had worked out my anger back in 2008 when I was first diagnosed. I didn't want to eat up the rest of my life being angry. I wanted my family to have good memories of me. And above all, I needed to them to see me living my faith even as I was dying. And I was dying. In mid-August 2016 we all though my time had come. Good byes were said, tears were shed. And I was OK. God had gotten me to a place where I was truly at peace. When I first came home from Duke I was taking up to 5 high dose pain killer, NOW however, I was down to 1 or 2. I had aleady looked death in the face and knew I could do what I had to do/ I wasn't scared. I really wasn't. I had expected me to be eaten yp with fear, but I wasn't. I was calm. Serene, at peace.
And I lived through it! I did't die after all. I've never been back to Duke. Mitch can get me in a wheelchair to the sofa now where I spend my days. I can't expalain what happened. Christmas miracle? The toxic chemicals side effects worked out? A combination of both? God working through the chemicals and now I'm living with the good they brought and the toxic part is gone? I don't know. But I di know that I'm doing better now than I've done i months! Not complaining.
Since I'm not going back to Duke, I have no clue what my melanoma is doing. Don't want to know. I'm a miracle nand I knw it and I donn't plan to mess that up! I'm enjoying my life as it is. It's far more than I ever exxpected it to be lasst Augucy when I was dying.
I know this disease. I don't know the time I have left. Death is a part of life but, as a person of faaith, it's only the beginning to LIFE! Twice now I've looked death in the face, got close enogh to almost kiss, and God said "I don't think so. Not now." I'm fine with that.
I've seen more time than I ever dreamed of having in August. I've seen more of my children and grandchildren than I ever thought I would bakc in August. They've all gotten to see THIS me and gotten their own up close and personal glimpse of what God can do.
I don't have a clue as to what's going on inside me. I know something is, but I don't know exacctly what. I don't want to know either. Emotionally I;m in a suprisingly great place. I'm not afraid,,,that fear has already been faced and overcome. I'm not miserable...I'm happy and so gald to still be here. I'm not full of complaints...I;m full of joy. God has been busy!
Nope. I'm not who I was. I'm far better. I've been through a lot and I've still got stuff to go through and I don't know what exactly. But none of us know what our futues holds.
But I do know WHO holds my future and I know, without a doubt, I can can through it and celebrate my victory over it as I run through the Gates of Praise. THAT much I di know!
Be strong. Smile. Share your love and joy and laughter with the ones you love while you can.
Do what's imprtaant and do it with the right attitude...not in fear and dread. We only pass this way but once. Make your once count. Be a blessing, even if it's always in bed or ina chair, and be blessed.
charis
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Skootching Queen...That's ME!
OK! If you read my last, and in this case...furst, post you'll know people have enjoyed my skootching! Who Knew? They borh got a lot of comments and one person called Skootching Queen and another was quick to comment that didn't ABBA write that? Well, that my brain thinking. Watch out for falling debris. My dear melabro wtites the blog Hotel Melanoma in which he rewrites the rock, and sometimes DISCO classics and gives them a melaanoma twist. He also has a FB page for that. Soooooo, taking a page from Rich, here's my take on ABBA's "Dancing Queen."
Back to me! OK, I did that song part of this post last night and was apparently having a good brain power mement...no red sqiggles except for skootching. I'm seeing a lot of squiggles elswwehere. Not so good brain power day for spelling. But that's pary of where I om. I know what I want to write, I see the right keys, but I dodn't HIT the right ones! Sometimes my sentences don't make sense. Nor do y paragraphs. Sometimes when writing and taling I search for the right word and can't find is and it's a simple word. Sometimes I sit and look at the keyboard and can't for the life of me find the letter I'm looking for. Sometimes I rememebre my commas a nd sometimes I don't,
I do better communicating when talking face to face. Every other way is up for grabs. The telephone is usually my nemesis. I can't talk onm it for long as I lose my conceemtration and I lose my concentration when reading something. Just face itm Carol, I lose my concentration easluy no matter what! That's part of what brain surgery and raduiaotn on om brain did. But I can talk so I'm OK. Thee was a time when I couldn't even do that eaasily.
Life is surely didfferrnt now and thats OK. I'm here for now and glad to be. Not complaining. When I started this blog yeastereday, I dsiad I'd be hoenesy about what my life is like now. This is just part of it. More to come. Hiopefully!
For now, I've come a lomg way since July when I was given a momth. I'm the Skootching Queen now! Sktchoot on! It's the new vraze!
charis
A Reworking of Abba’s "Dancing Queen" by Carol
Taylor
Skootching Queen
You
can’t dance, you can’t jive, but having time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Skootching Queen
Every night and the lights are low
So wishing for a place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You’d like to come to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
But night ain’t young nor’s the music's high
With a bit of rock music, all could be fine
You're in the mood for a dance
But when you get the chance...
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Skootching Queen
Every night and the lights are low
So wishing for a place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You’d like to come to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
But night ain’t young nor’s the music's high
With a bit of rock music, all could be fine
You're in the mood for a dance
But when you get the chance...
You are the Skootching Queen, “young”, sweet, remember
seventeen
Skootching Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can’t dance, you can’t jive, but having time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Skootching Queen
You're no teaser, don’t turn 'em on
They’re not burning and they want you gone
Not looking for another, no one will do
You wish in the mood for a dance
But when you get the chance...
You are the Skootching Queen, “young”, sweet, remember seventeen
Skootching Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can’t dance, you can’t jive, but having time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Skootching Queen
Skootching Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can’t dance, you can’t jive, but having time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Skootching Queen
You're no teaser, don’t turn 'em on
They’re not burning and they want you gone
Not looking for another, no one will do
You wish in the mood for a dance
But when you get the chance...
You are the Skootching Queen, “young”, sweet, remember seventeen
Skootching Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can’t dance, you can’t jive, but having time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Skootching Queen
I do better communicating when talking face to face. Every other way is up for grabs. The telephone is usually my nemesis. I can't talk onm it for long as I lose my conceemtration and I lose my concentration when reading something. Just face itm Carol, I lose my concentration easluy no matter what! That's part of what brain surgery and raduiaotn on om brain did. But I can talk so I'm OK. Thee was a time when I couldn't even do that eaasily.
Life is surely didfferrnt now and thats OK. I'm here for now and glad to be. Not complaining. When I started this blog yeastereday, I dsiad I'd be hoenesy about what my life is like now. This is just part of it. More to come. Hiopefully!
For now, I've come a lomg way since July when I was given a momth. I'm the Skootching Queen now! Sktchoot on! It's the new vraze!
charis
Monday, March 27, 2017
Hi There! So, This Is Who God Sent
Isaiah 6: 8
Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.” (New Living Translation)
I wanted to make the URL for this blog "hereiam" and blogspot had already taken that. Someone already had "hereiamsendme" too. So I named the blog "Here I Am" and gave the URL "standeight". A dear friend of mine's daughter, her favorite motto was "Fall 7 times, stand 8." Well, I'm currently standing 8.
The blog that really gets into my melanoma story is Attitude of Gratitude. I've stopped writing that blog when I had it put in pdf form and made into a book for my family. I write about melanoma a lot but not exclusively. In (I remember June, Mitch says July) a Ju.. month in 2016 my drs at Duke said there was nothing left for me and said I had around a month left. We had been told September 2, 2015 that melanoma was in my lung, spine, and 4 tumors in my brain. I'm now writing this on March 27, 2017. We all thought I was dying in mid-August 2016. Seriously. Not only have I NOT died, I'm getting better!
Here's what I excitedly posted on my Facebook page just yesterday:
Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.” (New Living Translation)
I wanted to make the URL for this blog "hereiam" and blogspot had already taken that. Someone already had "hereiamsendme" too. So I named the blog "Here I Am" and gave the URL "standeight". A dear friend of mine's daughter, her favorite motto was "Fall 7 times, stand 8." Well, I'm currently standing 8.
The blog that really gets into my melanoma story is Attitude of Gratitude. I've stopped writing that blog when I had it put in pdf form and made into a book for my family. I write about melanoma a lot but not exclusively. In (I remember June, Mitch says July) a Ju.. month in 2016 my drs at Duke said there was nothing left for me and said I had around a month left. We had been told September 2, 2015 that melanoma was in my lung, spine, and 4 tumors in my brain. I'm now writing this on March 27, 2017. We all thought I was dying in mid-August 2016. Seriously. Not only have I NOT died, I'm getting better!
Here's what I excitedly posted on my Facebook page just yesterday:
"My miracle for the day! Let me start with, "yes, I have a cowbell beside
me." BUT, my brain was on the fact that Mitch was in the kitchen
cooking lunch just now while I was on the sofa in the living room, and
the TV was on mute and the remote was on the tray in front of where he
and his laptop sit. We had been talking before he went to cook and he
forgot it was on mute when he left. My brain can only handle but so much
at one time now. It was on mute and I needed the remote...that
was all my brain could handle...thinking about the cowbell was too
much...never crossed my mind and it was right beside me. . I had a
problem and I'm soooo proud of me! I scooted to the edge of the sofa,
wiggled my way to the floor, stretched my legs out and dug my heels in,
and then used my hands, arm strength and bottom...and skootched to the
tray the remote was on. I have no leg strength. I had to rely on my
hands and arms and of course God to get me to the tray, get the remote,
toss it behind me as I skootched backwards to the sofa. I JUST as I
write this thought of the fact that I could have turned around and
skootched forward, but I didn't think about that. I skootched backwards.
When I got to where I could sit against the sofa, I inched my way up
using the sofa for support, and this time I had to use what little leg strength I have, but I got in
the seat and kept skootching until I was actually sitting again. That
felt so good to accomplish all that and use those muscles.
Remember...I'm not supposed to be here and I'm still building up my
strength after coming so close to dying. Now Mitch is worried where
he'll find me next if I can do all this! 
:)
My legs and arms aren't too terribly thrilled with me right now, but
who cares?! I'M mighty pleased, proud, and thankful! God bless! And
remember, this won't seem like much for most people...getting the
remote...big deal. It's the little things folks. Treasure the little
things. Sometimes, they just may be BIG things to some folks!"
:)
My legs and arms aren't too terribly thrilled with me right now, but
who cares?! I'M mighty pleased, proud, and thankful! God bless! And
remember, this won't seem like much for most people...getting the
remote...big deal. It's the little things folks. Treasure the little
things. Sometimes, they just may be BIG things to some folks!"
And here's what I posted today:
"We've got Damon right now and he's a builder. For the first time in
months and months, I was able to skootch down the sofa and get to blocks
and build! I haven't been actually PLAY with either grandchild in a
long long time, so this day is already off to a great start! And my
skootching is already better! I didn't have to use my bottom as much and
could rely on my arms more! I tell ya, it's the little things that are
really the big things! If this keeps up, I'm trying out for the
Skootching Olympics!"
I'm happily in a new phase of life and want folks to know what this blessing is like.
NOW! Up until this point in this post, I have corrected all my spelling. From this point on and in future posts, you'll be reading the me I am now. I'm not going to make anymore corrections. Starting NOW!
This disease and rhe treatments effected my brain power. Some days are good and some aren't so good. I was always a pretty foofo speller and thanks to that red squigglr line, all was fine, or appeared to be.
This new blog is about who I am now...who God still has decicdd ti send, even if I'm only sent from my sofa or bed. My brain poweer ain't what it used to be and considering the alternatie, I'm fine with that! I love the Lord and He knows it, but He still wants me standing...with Him and Mitch holding me up. I can't stand on my own. I haven't gotten the nerve yet to show a pic og my legs! They don't work like they used to and that's OK. And they don't look like they used to either. I'm here.
Yeo, I'm here and this is who I am. Advanced stage 4 melanoma that's supposed to have killed me by now has got God laughing. No disease is in charge. Starting tomorrow I'm going to start telling more. This is just my introduction. Today's a good dau.
Here I am. Send me, even if I'm only sent through cyberspace!
charis
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